In today’s age of technology our phones have become our everything. It is our computer, our organizer, our video game player, our camera, and more. Lost in all of that is its original function, the ability to call and speak to someone with your voice. Seriously I think we spend more time on the phone doing everything else instead of actually talking on it. The main replacement to our phone voice conversations is the text message. So simple and convenient it has changed how we communicate in everyday life and especially in our relationships. So lately I have received the same question from so many women. Why do men text instead of just calling? Does it mean he is not interested? Does it mean he is just too busy? They really want some clarity on this issue and I will now attempt to give it.
He texts because he can.
Look I am just as guilty as the next man for over using text messaging to communicate. It is quick and convenient so we take advantage of that fact. If a woman takes no issue or does not express the fact that she has taken issue with all the text, then some men simply won’t stop. Why would they eliminate what works for a lot of men if you don’t say you have a problem with it? The position of many women for the need to verbally communicate is not shared by a lot of men. To some men as long as you received a message from him and some form of communication, well then mission accomplished.
He doesn’t feel like talking to you.
Sometimes when women talk, all a man hears is womp womp womp. So to eliminate that problem he just sends you a text. It will minimize the need for a long drawn out conversation that he may feel is pointless. It could also save him from what he feels is some incessant nagging that he knows is about to come. So he simply will use text messaging as his shield. Again it’s just too convenient and if he believes it can help him avoid some unnecessary talk and backlash, well then he will put it to use. There are plenty of men who have uttered the line “I’ll just text her for now until she cools down”. May not always be the best approach but the thought process makes perfect sense.
He doesn’t like you like that.
I know that sounds harsh and mean, but I have to be honest. Sometimes a man will mainly use texting because you are not a priority to him. He may desire to have sex with you but for some women all it takes is some texting to get that ass. So guess what, that is all he may give you in his quest to get some. There are some cases where you may not start off as priority but you get “promoted” to the top spot. So initially while he hasn’t fully determined your value to him you may still mainly get texts instead of phone calls which take more effort and time. Time is precious, and a man isn’t going to give a woman a more time-consuming action such as talking if he does not see the value in it. You as the woman have to set your price, and then he will decide if he wants to pay it or not.
Ok, I gave you three things, but I acknolwedge there can be more to it than this. Some men hide behind texts, and some men are just playing games. I want you to be able to see when he’s just a guy who isn’t willing to come at you correctly, and may even be telling you lies. I highly encourage you to check out the book “He’s Lying Sis”. It will give you the additional clarity you need to avoid the wrong men, so you can better receive the right one.
Get your copy here:
===> He’s Lying Sis ebook
If you notice I didn’t get deeper into a man just being too busy. The book goes much deeper in that topic. However, understand that If a woman accepts less, then most men will give less, and you can’t only blame him for getting less. Also take heed to the main message in the first reason. If you have an issue with texting then you should express that concern. Not every man who starts off texting is doing that because he isn’t interested in you. It just may be what he is accustomed to and does not realize there is an issue. If you make it known, time passes, and it is still the same. Well now it’s safe to come to the conclusion that he isn’t serious enough about being with you. Don’t get mad at a man for a lack of communication if you are not willing to properly communicate. Make it clear what you desire and allow him the opportunity to step up to the plate. If he doesn’t well then maybe you can send him a text goodbye on his way out : ).
128 thoughts on “3 Reasons Why Men Text Message Instead of Calling”
I have to agree on all of these. Especially No. 2! I do like making a morning call, and letting her know I’m thinking of her. But when I call, and all I hear is Blah Blah Blah over the same issues daily, and those are part of daily life (in D.C. (traffic, rude people, woke up late)), that just deflates the whole morning. So, a text letting you know I’m thinking about you will have to suffice. When asked why I text when I used to call (oh hell) and I say why, all of a sudden I’m not supportive! LOL. We are doomed….
Thank you Moses. Looks like some of the women are not happy with this lol but I am just trying to make them aware of some truth. I completely understand where you are coming from and I think plenty of other men do as well.
This is just another small sliver in the man-woman relationship cycle. To expand,my scenario is one of millions. I love teasing and flirting with a woman, verbally, physically,and now technology gave me another tool. I enjoy texting at 4:00 am when I wake up. And at night before crashing. Is it because I have another woman there. No. But all comments above are true/valid.
Moses I think I asked if you were single some weeks ago. I am still waiting on the answer please. Stephan can you help me find out that answer from Moses too I’ll appreciate it. 🙂
Good afternoon Joelle, I never received that question. But the answer is yes. Why do you ask?
Thank you for answering. I want to know because I read your comments on articles quite often and I like what you say. I don’t know if that’s exactly how you are but you seem to be a good guy. Why are you single? 🙂
Joelle, Thanks for the kind remarks. Much appreciated! The reason I’m single at this moment is by choice. And I will be elaborating in the very near future, (very cleverly if I say so myself) in replies I make on this forum. I’ve read many forums, but never replied. This form is the best by a wide margin, therefore I decided to put my opinions/thoughts on Mr. Labossiere’s blog.
Alright then. Thank you very much for answering. I will continue reading your remarks as well and will keep asking you some questions if I have some. It’s that ok?
Truly flattered! I will answer truthfully and sincerely!
Can another reason be because he’s not available to talk to you because he’s with another woman?
I believe that’s reason number four. He’s currently texting or with someone else trying to get some a$$ from her
I know right? Good point #4
I left that reason out on purpose because I didn’t want every woman to jump to that conclusion too fast. I do agree that this is a possible reason, but chances are that if this reason does apply then there are some other things he is doing to support that thought.
What’s implied is already understood. Unfortunately that kind of behavior leads most women to come up with all sorts of scenarios on our on. And I’ve found that when men aren’t wanting to talk, especially during hours when you know they can, aren’t working etc., it’s usually something or someone going on.
That’s so true, because if he has the time and find you interesting, he will communicate with them. Men want us to think they are strange, but he’s really telling a person, you can dance to my music or forget. I also find some men as being selfish creatures of their own habitation.
No
I’ve been in this relationship for the past 3 years and we’ve known each other for over 20 plus years. I’m still trying to figure things out as to way the time is always limited with him. We had a talk a few weeks ago and we got in engaged and set a date for April of 2016. Now my mind is racing to the point that I don’t believe he’s truly is with it. But I’ve always told him, if he don’t want to be with me to let me know. I have no time for anymore heartache. So tell me what I’m doing wrong and should I make that step to move on!
Lost Dee
Yes. I do believe thats possible. I had to break it off with a guy because i found out he had a woman and trying to make me a side chick …Him always texting was my red flag he called just enough to think he had me stuck on stupid.
Yesss defntly…bt only if he used to call n talk wd u befr and sdnly changd …but some men just dont hsave the habit of talking..
So if all you hear is blah blah blah or womp womp womp, it makes you men seem like you just want us to sleep with you make u a sandwich and not say shit. Sounds to me like men lusting after themselves wanting women to be more like them.
Honestly there are a lot of men who do say that is all they want. The thing is most men you come across are not going to have a connection with you. Therefore they will be less likely to want to “talk” unless they are just a person who enjoys talking. The guy that is best for you will want to listen and hear what you have to say. That doesn’t mean that a “womp womp womp” moment won’t occur, but they will have no problem correcting the issue of text abuse and having more real conversations.
That is so true. Thank you so much!!
I see where us as women can use this for our advantage :-). My #1 reason is they are texting another woman or they’re in front of another woman and texting you. Oh yeah! You can use the other reasons. They could be true as well. I do understand the blah, blah, blah/ nagging , because men love to nag about what they want. Just like women..lol. So lets put on the hush, hush and listen more to really see what they’re all about.. So that we can use our power of nagging to run the wrong guys away lmbo. Just a thought.:-D~E2Esmile~
Lol there is no good power in nagging. Nagging can run the the good and the bad guys away.
Come on you know that will work.:-D~cheese~. I truely believe that nagging is the kryptonite that us superwomen need to use from time to time. But only on the wrong guys. lol. I repeat “Only on the WRONG guys.. Dont you think?. lol
But how do you know if you are doing it to the “wrong guy”? If you already know he is wrong then why bother wasting energy with nagging, just walk away and end that situation. If you are doing it to figure out whether he is wrong or right, well that is an ineffective practice because no man likes being nagged. Also I have seen plenty of the “wrong guys” stick around even with the nagging so you still lose that battle. One way or another I will not co-sign on nagging as an effective tool. You want positive results you have to implement positive methods.
Lmbo! You got me! I was soo wrong on that. Why waste my energy on nagging when I have better things to do. He’s right gurls. Nagging is a big headache, It fustrate you more than anyone else.. Well ladies DO NOT USE MY METHOD. I can admit when Im wrong! :-)~smile~
What does everyone think that women only nag, men do it too.
A Bunch of crock…. Go figure that’s why a man is speaking this BS!!!!
Is it crock because you don’t think these are the actual reasons why some men text instead of calling. Or is it crock because you just don’t like those reasons and feel they are not valid. Just for the record I am not saying these are good or valid reasons not to call somebody. Just explaining why some men do what they do.
I would think that another solid reason would be because of the convenience to the woman. I enjoy sending a quick text just as a “thinking of you” moment for a woman in the middle of HER busy day. Then it gives her the option to either reach out and make a phone call, indicating she’s got some spare time on her hands, or just to enjoy the thought for what it is, no pressure to communicate back implied. If I just picked up the phone, I could be intruding at an inopportune time, which then brings the whole requirement for her to have to give me the “I’m busy, can I call you some other time?” thing, which is no fun for either of us.
The I’m thinking of you text is wonderful!!! However I always tell a man, if I’m interested in you, I will make the time to talk to you when you call. Of course there are the genuine times when someone is unavailable, however if I like you!!! I’m answering the call and having a conversation!!!
Well that is sweet and considerate. Sounds like you are reenforcing an ACTUAL relationship with texting n that fashion, not replacing real communication with text messages.
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LOL!!!! Love this man. Men are simple creatures, we say what we gotta say and keep it moving. Texting alows me to say my message and that’s it. No small talk or wasteful convo lol And if i finally do use the phone, then it’s b/ i’m actually in the mood to talk and have something to say, so it leads to better phone conversations
All I can say is that if men want to get close to women, they need to be in communication because women like to talk LOL
I had a dude get upset with me b/c he thought we had been “talking” for 4 months when all we really did was exchange text messages. It was fine with me, but from my point of view we were not making any headway in terms of getting to know each other. So when he wanted to come over and kick it, I was like “No, I don’t invite strange men into my home.”
Needless to say, he faded to black, but still asks me why “we” didn’t
work out. And YES I did clearly communicate that texting was not the
hotness, he just didn’t care.
He was one of those, “I’m not trying to be used for dinner” weirdos so he wasn’t trying to date me until we had established a rapport, I just don’t know how you establish a rapport w/o conversation and/or face-time.
head on… dudes really burn the road up with the “can I come over or do u want to come over” line… there is nothing as a new person I just met need to be doing at each other house. Also going out does not always = spending cash. If u can’t pick up the phone and call, be ready to spend some $$ (No not ball out but be ready to take me out) and or have a creative mind for alternative spots (non spending) where we can chat, spend time and get to now each other then you should not be out approaching ladies saying, “I want to get to know you”. Random, off and on texts does not equal getting to know each other.
omg! U heard that too? Why do some men (black) figure it’s ok not to date for fear of being used for a free meal? I’m 47yrs old and still hear that from men. First of all it’s the principle call chivalry…. I’m going with the swirl.
I agree. Doesn’t want to talk. meet, see you or get to know you because he might be wasting his money on dinner? Don’t let him waste your time on texting. He is a loser who will have you jumping through hoops just to make a date. BLOCK his number.
Yes they’ve got it backwards…you build a rapport from dating and actually talking face to face…
In my opinion, adult men, especially those over 35 who use texting as a primary means of communications are lame. Its impersonal, shows disinterest and gets annoying after a while. If you’re texting to just say “hey thinking about you’, confirming details or something like that, it’s fine. But if you’re an infrequent communicator, call ever so often and/or text sporadically, best believe that woman is not going to be impressed or want to deal with you. She’s already lost interest–if she ever even had it. Texting is the no. 1 reason for miscommunication. I’ll leave it to those born past 1985.
AMEN….I have experienced this more than once with men 50+ yrs old and it’s so annoying! They only wanted to text, but would never make any effort to call or go out after the first few weeks. It’s a total copout. I played along for a while. Found out guy #1 was stringing me along while he was seeing someone else, and guy #2 I just stopped responding, and never heard from him again. I have come to the conclusion that they just want someone to chat with, but they either don’t want a relationship or are too lazy to put forth any effort. The bottom line is, if they are worth it and are interested, they will make the effort. PERIOD.
Okay this seriously makes me wonder what in the crud were men doing for thousands of years before the invention of the text message? I mean…. Really though..?
Mostly its easy to text in any situation. You cant always talk. Its also less invasive. It makes for easier rejection too. You can type thing that you won’t say. There usually isn’t an instant response. Add this to all the other reasons above.
I do think that miscommunication can happen if both parties don’t get on the same wavelength. It seems men assume they were busier than women; and both may assume various degrees about the value of texting. So clearly a conversation about texting is in order.
I read through the comments and was surprised I didn’t see “Men like to text over talking so that they can come up with better lies” ….lol….when on the phone they may have to tell a dumb lie on the spot, but when texting they r able to really think of a good lie. I believe this is true, or am I talking bitterly right now? Lol
Lmao that was a good one. Makes perfect sense but I will say some bitterness is still showing at the moment lol : )
I’d like to add a fourth entry to the piece on Why (some)
Men Choose Text Messages Over Phone Calls…The guy in the relationship prefers
to call instead of text but more times than not, she doesn’t answer. And when she does reply it’s not by returning
his call, but she replies with…You guessed it…a text message. “What’s up?” or “What do you need?” So in that situation he has no choice but to
text instead of call. Not because that’s
how he wants to do things, but because SHE is the one who would rather text
instead of call. So in this case, she’s
flipped the script…1. SHE does it because SHE can. 2. SHE doesn’t feel like talking to HIS
ass. 3. SHE just doesn’t like HIM like
that.
Wow, don’t know how/why my post ended up fragmented like that. But oh well…
Well that wouldn’t really be #4 on the list lol. That would be a separate article “Why Women Choose Text over Phone Calls”. I agree that there are many women who don’t text for the same reasons on this list. The reason I wrote from this angle is because you don’t hear men take issue with the texting nearly as much as women do.
THIS RIGHT HERE: “If you have an issue with texting then you should express that concern. Not every man who starts off texting is doing that because he isn’t interested in you. It just may be what he is accustomed to and does not realize there is an issue.” #BOOM!!!
I LOVE that statement & advice.
I’m one who will text & use technology to the FULLEST because I’m a techno-geek & it’s convenient. I also have the unlimited text plan because if not, I’d have an $800 cell bill!
BUT, when it comes to relationships, I understand some texting, but in the beginning, I want to speak with you..hear your voice: the tone, inflection, timbre, breathing pattern..LOL. I want to HEAR from you. That’s how I best communicate with you & get to know you.
I cannot have a text message relationship with any man. This text message BS is like passing notes in junior high school. If you want to see me and spend time with me please pick up the phone and call me. You know that modern invention – the telephone? Pick it up.
If you must text, it better be because you/ or I may not be able to pick up the phone or you are sending me the directions to where we are supposed to meet.
I have had many text message exchanges with men that are supposedly interested. I grew so weary of the messaging that I gave up. Literally. I got too bored. Want to see me? Make a plan. Want to send lots of text messages? Lose my number PLEASE!
Amen. totally agree.
Absolutely! I grow so weary of men wasting my time texting but never coming up with a plan. Don’t keep texting asking me how I’m doing, what I’m doing blah blah instead ask me would I like to do something?
right on
Old post, but I found this while curiously searching for answers as to why this guy that I just started dating ONLY wants to text, and nothing else. I asked him about it, and if he would like to talk on the phone, and he simply said that he’s “not a phone kinda person…” I’m sick of it now. It takes 3 hours for him to text me something that would only take mere minutes to say over the phone. The tired old “how was your day, what are you doing?” every single day is making me angry. Its time for him to bugger off now with this text all day crap. Lose my number please!
He has something he’s hiding, because what kind of guy says that unless he stuffers while he talks, lol. Don’t be taken by those same old lame text either. A man is to respect a woman’s feeling especially, in a new relationship. He’s wasting your time and his. Keep your boat afloat and keep it moving, because if the relationship got serious he would keep doing the same thing he is doing now. Not man enough for you.
Bravo!!!
I know this is an old thread but I just discovered it while looking for something else related to this. I can’t speak for all men so, I won’t. As for me, I text because it’s one way I can ensure that I can get a word in. Some of the women that I’ve talked to over the phone can ramble on for minutes!
I have one friend who I timed once. She spoke for a good 8 minutes before pausing to give me a chance to speak. By the time it was my turn to talk, my comments were way off the subject. …but this tactic doesn’t always work either. I know women who send text messages in waves of 5 and 6 messages at once.
Another reason that I prefer to text is because I’m usually trying to do something else at the same time. I work six days a week and the last thing I want to do when I’m off the clock is sit and talk on the phone about nothing for hours and hours. It seems to invigorate women but it’s draining for me. I don’t know when this became ok but I feel like I have to listen to women and be able to repeat what you’ve said verbatim but women can’t even answer simple questions with answers that are directly on point with the question. I’m considered to be inconsiderate if I don’t want to talk or if we’re talking and I don’t appear to be paying attention but many of the women I know, are rarely ever interested in the things that I’m interested in. I have to listen to them ramble but they make no effort at all to hold a conversation about what I’m interested in. If you were my sister and I told you about a woman like that, you’d tell me to kick her to the curb but when you’re that woman, you assume that I’m married or seeing someone else because the source of the problem could never be this simple (that your expectations are sometimes selfish or unreasonable)it’s ALWAYS the guy’s fault.
I know this is an old thread, but I had to comment, because it seems as if when you met that person you didn’t find out that she was long winded. Are you yourself a big talker, someone that knows how to initiate a conversation or are you a back seat rider. Have you ever heard of the word, Excuse me, and speak. I think that you want a conversation, but it sounds like you want the conversations more about you and your interest. Conversations are a two way street that’s why a stop sigh reads, STOP, so listen and be happy that someone is happy to share words with you..
funny enough there are women who too prefer texting with the growing tech whatsapp fb viber kik messeger hangout etc why wont your fingers not want to text. further more text is evidence if not deleted
These reasons and the tips on what a woman should do about the texting sounds like just that…what a woman should do about a man texting all the time. It sounds like the author is saying a man can text as much as he wants and we women have to pacify the man. Whenever a man uses text to talk to me, I give him fair warning. If he does it again, he doesn't get a reply or any communication from me any more ever.
Stephan I love your work brotha I have read the remarks from the majority who are women and instead of looking at it from afar I have seen some negative comments. I understand ladies when these type of topics come up you want to throw out there what YOU have been through I get it and most of us MEN get it. Some guys aren’t conversationalists and don’t know how to talk to women why complain about texting when you do it just as quick? You want to get rid of the texting thing then you stop texting. Now I understand people can’t pick up a phone ALL the time but the time that you can make a call try it it works (guys/gals) I don’t really reply to these kind of things I just like to read some of the comments some of them are way out there. Stephan keep up the good work you know what I have noticed?!! Your topics are unbiased and to be frank most people can’t or won’t accept that but that is the start of trying to understand one another. Me on the other hand as old school as this is hell I would go as far as to writing a note saying “do you like me?” circle yes or no. Texting has in some ways ruined people. They don’t talk any more they just look at their phones and text away what to expect next?
Seriously?!…you get it. Thanks for sharing.
My relationship is backwards here. I like texting but my husband doesn't.
I like it because:
1. I get unlimited texts but not unlimited talk time.
2. I can text from anywhere without disturbing anyone else.
3. When I get a text I don't have to try to hear it over others in crowded places.
He doesn't like texting because of the little buttons and because he hates trying to read on that little screen!
He’s your husband, not a boyfriend. And presbyopic too….
~ Thank you Stephan, I needed to read that, explains it clear and simple, yes there are probably ‘other’ factors for texting over telephone conversations, but these seem fair and reasonable to start, much appreciated to help understand. 🙂 ~
Thank you so much for putting this out here now I know thank you
To me sometimes I just want to text. it’s not really all that serious to me especially when you spend face to face time together, I’d rather have that than a phone conversation…I stay busy myself so sometimes it is easier to text. If women want to talk to men over the phone then they should take the initiative to call, if a man shows you little interest continuously over the phone then there you have it, make a decision based off of the actions he is showing you, that simple!
Texting when you’ve already met up and established a connection is naturally acceptable. Texting constantly from the get-go without having met or heard the person, though, is problematic. It shows to the other party that you don’t give a damn about wanting to connect with them. Texts have their uses but as a primary mode of communication are pretty impersonal, distancing and – after a while – boring. I usually cut off those that do nothing but text, especially when I’ve made the effort to call them every now and again.
How do you come to the conclusion that I want women to pacify the men who only want to text Cassandra? I end the article by clearly stating "Make it clear what you desire and allow him the opportunity to step up to the plate. If he doesn’t well then maybe you can send him a text goodbye on his way out : )." I was only explaining some of the reasons why some men do it, and that if a woman has an issue with it then she should express that to the man.
I happen to like the “hey babe, I’m thinking about you” text. But of course this may depend on how well you know the man. However, I have been known to send text messages for all the same reasons listed above, lol. I don’t think these reasons are limited to male behavior. I just think it’s human behavior.
Angela Meacham Buy him a Galaxy Note 3 🙂
Stephan Labossiere Stephen its not a "conclusion", its how you came across. Your relationship advice on texting is one sided as far as who the advice is for, women. Relationships usually have two people in them. It basically sounds like the reasons are centered around how a man controls the current relationship or potential relationship with the woman who is texting him. Those reasons are true, but selfish. It sounds like you are justifying men and why they text. Texting by a man or a woman as a way to communicate in a relationship is lazy, and the individual is putting no effort into establishing and maintaining a meaningful relationship. I reread the article and I still hear you saying the same thing, these are the some reasons why a man text, and this is what a woman should do about it, accept it and play by his rules. You wrote it as a man, but I am reading it as a woman. Hey, I'm old fashioned. Maybe it's just me, but I want to hear a man's voice, and I want him to want to hear my voice because that is one of the ways we were meant to bond with each other. For any women who read this post, yes a man has his reasons to text, but if you allow texting to be a big part of your relationship, you will not get to know who or how he really is. Maybe there should be a follow up for men, "What women think of men who don't respond to their text".
Cassandra it is how you chose to receive the article. I tend to focus on one gender at a time in each article, and many times I write an article based on the specific requests of individuals. So understand that I kept getting this question from women, and I wrote it as if I was answering their specific question. I am not justifying, but I am explaining. It all boils down to what works for that couple because in some cases women like texting more. So again I was answering the question that was asked by those that don't like it and wanted to know why a lot of men tend to do it instead of calling. I do like your suggestion about the follow up, so I will definitely knock that one out for you : ).
Ok Stephen. Here's a question for the ladies and the men. What do they require as their standard and/or limits when it comes to communication from someone that they are trying to gain or maintain a relationship with? When do they think that the standard or limitations should be set? I know that's two. 😉
I loathe texting and I told this guy to stop doing it and he continues so recently he did and I didn’t reply. The second time I said, “Who is this?” He replied “Who is this?” To make a long story longer, I acted like I didn’t know who he was. I told you once, I am not telling you again. Meet my two fingers and keep it moving.
Stephen, I believe a woman sets the tone of communication for the relationship. I don't send text nor do I respond to them unless it's an emergency. Have we become so impersonal that we don't want to talk with one another? I'll remain a dinosaur or a princess which ever you prefer.
Hi Stephan. I text my guy sometimes but there are times when I want to hear his voice. Now I do agree that if I let him know that I want to talk to him sometimes, if he still texts afterwards, it may mean he doesn’t feel the same for me that I thought. Do you have anything else that I can do to get my point across?
Very good article…
I am the texter in the relationship. And it drives him crazy most times… I express myself better thru text…He communicates and respond better thru text…
I believe text messages are more personal and gives the opportunity to express my feelings better….in general I prefer text messages when communicating with my husband to phone calls sometimes.
Not all men rather text. My husband prefers to call me instead of text messaging!!!! He have been like that ever since i've known him but i love to text. lol. Thank you for the information, I will definitely share this with my females friends.
i concur
Wow…I am always suspect of certain things but I've gotten the answer to my question. We met a year ago, I get a dozen pink roses, he's a perfect gentlemen BUT…3 phone conversations in a year! Text, text, text, text, text….Enough with the texts!! He went as far as to TEXT me for SEX. Not only did I turn him down, it turned me off. I've been limiting my responses so he may be getting the hint that I'm not feeling him like that. Moving on…
I started dating this man whom I was involved with 20 years ago. We found each other after all those years. the first 2 weeks it was great, txts, phone calls, we met up as much as we could because we lived in different states. So we got together and after having sex… now it like pulling teeth for him to txt back… He does but mostly when it convenient for him. I don’t want to think its anything but him being busy, he has told me that his weeks have been quite crazy.. am I being to hard on myself for thinking he is a player or he is not interested, or is he really busy!!!!. It has been a while since I dated, so its really new to me. Anything or anyone that can help!!
Stop communicating with him…if he wants to see you he will get in touch….they always say their busy…
Sorry busy mom of two and single. I don't have time to text all the time and they get upset that I don't respond, Try a phone call. I can say more in five min that in texting with two small children. Big turn off. If your not interested in me 100 percent. Don't waste my time…… I have children to take care of! I'm not the women to just get a piece of ass from anymore! I don't have time for that and you will not respect me as a person just a toy! Moving on!
If all a man does is text, we are just friends (WITHOUT benefits). We chat through text and that is all there is to it. He is just like one of my female friends so he should not be surprised if I start talking to him about the other man I went out with. We are nothing but friends.
I loveeeeeeeeeeeee what you said Rose… exactly my point. If all he wants to do is text, im going to treat him like a friend girl and start talking about other guys, bet u that will stop him from texting… lolol… love it
I just ended something with a guy because all he would do is text me. When we were together it was wonderful, but the rest of the time it was only texts. It made me sad. I expressed my frustration but he didn’t change which I found pretty telling. Texts are easier to ignore (my phone was off, my battery died, left phone in car …) let’s face it, if you really like someone, you’re going to want to hear their voice.
….or because he’s loaded.
I have met men and told them that I do not like to text. If you want to chat then please call me. Guess what? They continue to text. WTF???? I left a V.M. on a mans’ phone recently. He texted me the next day. I wrote back, “did you get my V.M.” He replied “I saw you called but didn’t check it. What did you say?” REALLY!!! Well he has left about 4 texts since then and I will not respond. If you want to get to know someone pick up the F…ING phone and speak to me. I am so sick of these childish games. Texting is great for quick responses. I think people use it as a way NOT to communicate.
Hmmmmm, I tend to text because it is convenient. It seems less time consuming and you can respond at your pace. A phone call requires your full attention. I thought women preferred to text. Silly me.
Oh please excuses guys like u just want one thing
Sadly enough I found this acceptable with a man that I dated briefly. By acceptable, I mean it was like pulling teeth to get him to call. Text would always be Hi – Hi /Whatcha doing?/ Wanna go do something? Ok with that I finally caught on that its called trolling. There never is a date set like how about Friday go catch a movie at 7 and grab a bite to eat? When I would say call me or even call him after a text he didn't answer. Knew he was definitely single and home because just sent a pic of his feet – plus I don't EVER date a married man even separated planning a divorce or one in a semi relationship (waste of time). Finally, it just got boring. Never could pick me up or do anything beyond text. Good article and something I need to be aware of encouraging as well because I'm not interested in having a relationship or even a date with a cell phone.
text him back, "f*** off."
LOL!
wow……….full attention to something….novel idea………
You will be surprised how much it means to a woman to have a real conversation. Limit texting for work hours, church or some place where phone conversations should be limited.
maybe you should tell him, instead of hinting
As I read this article, I realize I have also worried about my guy not always calling but sends whatsapp messages only. I have had to conclude at a point he is not really interested. There are times he says he will call back and does not call back. And if I don’t call for days, he may not call too.
However, he has a very busy schedule. But picks my call whenever I call,
even asked me to drop and calls back so the call will be on him.
After reading this article and comments. I checked my phone, he already sent whatsapp messages. I then replied that he should to call me. He called immediately and I asked why he had not called in 2 days. His response, ‘But we have been communicating’. We have actually exchanged messages without actually talking on phone. This call ended up being a 30 minutes qualitative call!, with an apology that he had to cut off to attend to some things, I am aware of.
He had earlier explained that not all talking is communication. For him, maintaining the connection may not necessarily be by talking, we can actually communicate by different means. Talking comes when it is really necessary! He is not so much of a talking type. But I have got him to begin to talk more.
My take is understanding the reason why the guy is not calling, his preferred means of communication and his temperament.
Qualitative communication is important, so also talking is valuable in a relationship.
Okay so i call him alot of days he wont answer then i texts him a different day he starts calling me like pick up the phone and hes wonder why i didnt answer the phone,
I’m experiencing #2 now and I’m at the end of my rope. When a man messes up, hurts you or does something to insult your intelligence, soul or pride, hiding behind text rather than coming to you humbly, willing and open to hear whatever verbal consequences and negative feelings his actions have provoked seems (IS) cowardly (and, selfish)… I’m a strong communicator. My aversion to texting when we are both available to talk has been made abundantly clear, and until he messed up, he preferred talking as well… He wants me not to be emotionally shut down and distant, but I can’t even ask myself to accommodate him without seeing the proper effort and humility from him…
So, how do you address his fear without wanting to kill him for his cowardly behavior in the face of already having hurt you, and reopen the lines of verbal communication?
I should state clearly that I have no insecurities about how he feels about me. Our issue is non-standard, and I know he cares deeply about me and our connection is genuine. I still refuse to respond to any text and if he ever wants to talk to me again, he’s going to have to pick up the phone… And, try…
I have been dating a guy on and off for 9 years , but lately my gut been tell me he is talking to a girl , he only text but no call ,he use to call and text but nothing . A week ago u he change ? What that mean
this guy started texting me and it was fine the first few days but then he continue on texting only then a couple of weeks past by and I ask him if he could call and he replied that he was going to take a shower and that of course made me suspicious. First thing that came to my mind is that he was with company. another week past by and I have lost interest but to prove my point I ask him again if he could call and it was a Sunday so I assumed that he would have some time off since he does not work on Sundays, well his reply was that he was busy at the moment getting ready to go to the gym O.0 What? ok. He definitely has company even though he keeps claiming he is single. so goodbye to him
If he text you but doesn’t answer your call, he is with another woman. If he text you but doesn’t ever call you, it’s because he is with another woman. If he says he is too busy to call you, that’s because he is using his time to be with another woman.
I met a guy once who gave me his number and we started texting for 2 full months days and night sharing everything about how our days went, our family, friends, pictures etc… We lived far from each other and then I made the trip to see him and he was very exciting about it, but as soon as I arrived in his town, he found excuses that he couldn’t meet me, that his father was sick, that he had to work until midnight…I stayed 7 days in his town and he never met me. I finally decided to move on and went back to my hometown, and guess what happened, he started to text me again!! Unbelievable such a waste of time !! I blocked him right away! I mean it is so weird I never seen that before, especially that we are mature people in our fourties! I still dont understand what happened..
The loser was probably married..
yes you probably right!!
He was married. Coward. At least he could stop you from going there ans wasting your time and money.
Never visit a man by flying, driving or jogging. It’s shows desperation on your part. A real man will not allow a lady to be traveling alone. A real man will visit you. The man basically set you up to visit nothing. Think about your safety first. So men are just teasers and conversation pleasers. These are the red flags you look before boarding a plane..
Hi Stephen,
I’m so very confused, upset and frustrated. I was friends with this guy for 8 years. We first met through a mutual friend. He came to a b-day party for a friend and asked my friend for my number. We exchanged #’s, went out on a date & it was wonderful. He was kind, understanding and wonderful. However, after he took me out for my b-day and went on another date, my friend (the one that hooked us up), decided to tell me they slept together. I confronted him. It was true. I thought, too messy “im out!” We didn’t pursue anything. I was hurt for a while, because I liked him alot. I usually don’t fall for guys easily. I just say if it doesn’t work, then I move on! But, I had a deep connection with him. Years went by and we are here now. Both of us were in off and on relationships. He asked why we aren’t together, I reminded him I didn’t wanna be apart of a list. One day he invited me over & we slept together 8 yrs later. Now, I finally told him a week after, that i liked him before; but don’t want him to feel pressured into a relationship. He then says, well im not ready, take baby steps, IDK when we can get in a relationship and he says im too stressed out and Im not secure. He then says, when he was ready, I was with someone else. I’m like u never told me, to my face that u want to be with me and regardless im worth pursuing and we can work on it. Also, I had to deal with both my friend and you sleeping together so loyalty was a factor. As well, now my feelings are hurt, because I feel stupid and should’ve kept how I felt to myself & I can’t be friends with him like before. I can’t communicate with him & he has delegated me to text only. To me, that’s not the best efficient way of communicating. He uses his phone for work. But whenever I worked, I made time to talk to him, when he was concerned. Now it’s my turn, i get nothing in return. So, I cut off the friendship? Is that wise? What do yau’ll think?
Run! He’s not that much into you. If you can’t be friend with benefits only, walk away. Save your heart.
Being secure doesn’t bring to the table that your friend introduced you two after she tested the merchandise first, and decided you the chance to try it later. Most friends won’t give a friend left overs. If the relationship started out with not knowing the before of their encounter, what else would come up. Never date or talk to anyone your friend has tested. No good, it’s all about secrets. More secrets later can be messy. Keep it moving.
Could it be that this is all that he is capable of ? Could it be that he is simply incapable of emotionally connecting with the woman he has chosen to be intimate with. Could it be that his fear of abandonment, rejection or being hurt is so overwhelming to him that the distance of text is safe for him? Could it be that he is so broken that he is afraid he cannot sustain an intimate relationship? That his self worth and self esteem are ravaged by his deep self loathing so much so that he second guesses himself and does your thinking for you?
Maybe it is fuck all to do with how he thinks or feels about you why he behaves this way maybe just maybe it has everything to do with how he thinks and feels about himself.
You have choices – you could accept this and live with the low grade pain it causes until you wake up one morning and find yourself so embroiled in the dysfunction that you forget how you got there and don’t know how to get out or you communicate your needs and wants and see if he is willing to consider you in his choices or you walk away.
Why do guys want to kiss you when they barely know you,mostly txt you and have met you briefly once?
Because they want sex. Talk is not obligatory. We should be grateful they want to text!
It could be a once in a life “love at first site” or it could be that he enjoy tasting and not waiting to get to know you, but rather what your lips taste like. Red flag, he’s moving in traffic too fast. This can make a woman think, that’s all he wants is to be intimate, and not respect your boundaries. You must be comfortable first.
Because he’s married and wants to keep you at arm’s lenght.
If it’s simply for communication, why not talk? One can convey more with talking with tone and stress. As well as that, most people can speak faster than they can text. Also, there is no simple indication of whether consecutive texts are about to end or have already ended and other similar matters, so interruption is quite common!
So true, if you’re into someone, verbal conversating allows two people to get to know each other better.
I understand being busy and texting here and there, but I’m beginning to think that it’s just me. Even though I hate texting, I do it because it’s convenient for everyone else–especially for him. I sacrifice for the greater good (or the majority). But honestly, if all you do is text in a relationship, what kind of relationship do you really have? Non-verbal cues are so important in communication. There is so much that can be misinterpreted when it comes to written communication, especially texting. I’m so at a loss.
This is a fairly old piece. I wonder if there are any more recent articles on this topic by the author.
Just because a guy is texting and not calling, doesn’t mean he’s necessarily with someone else. I mean gosh how sleazy is that?! I’d like to think that most guys are not like that. Maybe if it’s a new friendship he’s scared like me from having an awkward conversation over the phone. Some people are shy and texting is just easier way to communicate.
Well, I wonder what he doing also. Today there are ear pieces which make calls almost hands free. Don’t be naive to the word sleazy, because it’s in the dictionary. A man will string a woman along as long you will allow them to. For example, if you two got engaged and I hope not. How will he propose, by Text, think about this moment and the rest of your life’s moment.
He doesn’t want you to know where he is who he’s with.Texting a man’s dream get t ladies use it to our advantage too.
I just stumbled this post, and after reading it, I have come to the conclusion that any man that is interested enough to ask for your number or hit you up on a social site sees something in a person that interest them. So, if he shows interest in the beginning, certainly they will call and probably text on occasions, but don’t be fooled because most single guys that does this makes it seems like they are hiding something and or they are not even worth your time.
Or simply because texting lies are much more easier and comes with no hesitation.