A complaint I hear all the time is that there are not enough men that know how to be romantic. Many men seem to struggle with understanding how to speak to the hearts of women, and make them feel special. Some may say that women could use some improvement as well. But for many of us, as long as you give us that booty your “romantic duties” have been fulfilled : ). So why do so many men struggle with being romantic? I believe it’s because many do not understand the foundation of the act. So here I will lay out what I feel are the 3 rules to being romantic.
Romantic Rule 1: What works for one does not work for all.
Flowers and gifts is not the answer for every woman. Yes they are nice gestures, but you need to take some time to learn her love language and begin to understand what she values. I know of a story where a man would buy his woman flowers every week. When she was asked about it she said “I don’t even like flowers”. If you don’t take time to get in tune with your woman then your genuine attempts to be romantic will fall flat. Side Note: don’t think that asking direct questions with every woman will always get you direct answers. Sometimes you have to be clever, discreet, or simply pay attention to effectively gather information on her desires. Some women just don’t want to have to tell you what you need to know. She wants you to put forth some effort and figure it out on your own. This leads to the next rule.
Romantic Rule 2: It’s more about the effort than it is about the product.
Let’s stick with roses here. Whether she does or doesn’t like flowers, there is an underlying factor that will make a huge difference. It’s one thing for a man to give his woman a rose that he stole from his momma’s house vs. the man who looked for a specific flower and had to jump through all kinds of hoops to get it. She may not care for the rose, but if she loves you she will cherish the effort you put into getting it. That’s why a man can choose to make a card instead of buying it and that woman will feel so special. Because she sees the effort you were willing to put into creating that card for her. If you show that you are genuine, and that you are willing to put forth effort, you can make the smallest things seem like the biggest. Show her how much you care and how much she means to you. Put in some effort to produce something special for her. Genuine + Effort = Something Special.
Romantic Rule 3: It’s all about her.
You can’t be romantic while being selfish. Attempting to romance her has to be about what her needs are and what she likes. If you don’t like to do something that she does, consider sacrificing your dislike which would actually show more romance. Here is an example: let’s say your woman likes going to the ballet, but you absolutely hate it. You have determined you want to do something romantic so you tell her in advance you have something special planned. You get home and tell her to get dressed because you are taking her to the ballet (for bonus points, you come home with an outfit a friend or family member has confirmed she really wants and loves). She may say to you “but I thought you hated the ballet” and you respond “I do hate the ballet, but I love you even more, and tonight I want to put a smile on your face. So go now and get ready”. Maaaannnnnnn you may not even make it out of the house! She may just jump your bones right there and call it a night. The simple fact that you were willing to do something you don’t care for, because you want to make her happy would be considered by most to be very romantic. It can go a long way towards making her feel very special. Side Note: you may not like it, but take joy in making her happy which will help you get through something like the ballet, undesired social gatherings, watching the lifetime channel with her or whatever other crap she takes joy from lol ; ).
I will never say that something applies to all, but I do believe that most women will agree with these rules. It all boils down to knowing your woman, putting in effort, and being willing to be selfless. Apply these principles and I am certain you will improve your relationship and be viewed as the romantic man she desires. Now you know better, so do better.
Related Article: 3 Rules On How To Romance Your Man
20 thoughts on “3 Rules To Being Romantic To Your Woman”
Omg I’m glad somebody said it! “What works for one does not work for all.” I am clueless as to why men do that. Why do they come into a relationship arrogant and selfish thinking their last relationship will mirror the current one? What works for the last woman (sexually) does not work for the current one. Your last girl loved flowers, the current one hates flowers! That’s just an example.
Stephan you are by far my favorite relationship coach because you keep it all the way real! Mad Respect 🙂
Because many men like to have the mentality that all women are the same. Though many do share some core desires, there are many differences that men have yet to learn to pay attention to…Thank you very much LaQuita : )
not bad some of us know these rules and it’s helping thanks sweety
Stephan,
Aren’t you just a breath of fresh air today.. This post I totally agree with my favorite was the last one all about her. Yeah if a guy is willing to put his feelings aside to please his woman. Kudos for him because you’re right she is guaranteed to be in love for that moment huge brownie points. Stephan it’s also nice when a guy does something out of the ordinary; like instead of a dozen roses buy me one or chose a different flower like you said it shows effort. Thanks for sharing hopefully the guys put this to use great advice.
Thanks Laurice, and glad you like the article : ). Yeah I was going to include “creativity” as an additional rule, but I figured that if they applied rule #1 then they will naturally find different things to do. Once you understand what your woman values, then it becomes easier to come up with different things to do.
“Side Note: don’t think that you can just ask direct questions with every woman, and expect to receive direct answers. Sometimes you have to be clever, discreet, or simply pay attention to effectively gather information on her desires. Some women just don’t want to have to tell you what you need to know, she wants you to put some EFFORT and figure it out on in your own way” That is my favorite part and I need to say I haven’t found a man who understands this with me. I want a man to make an effort to find out what is going on with me, That is romanticism FOR ME. I HATE FLOWERS, roses, romantic dinners, red lights, ETC is not for me LOL I am one of those girls who like it simple, but like to see efforts, like to see a man pay attention to details when it concerns me.
PS: I LOVE GIFTS THOUGH!!! yep LOL
It can be hard to find men that understand that because we operate much differently. Typically we will just flat out say what we want or like. We don’t make women do any investigative work, so it is hard for many to see the need to do so on their end. Hopefully we can get more men to understand this desire that some women have,and if he loves her then he will work with it.
This is a great section. I am one of those girls that does not like flowers and chocolates and want creativity and effort. I will also tell someone what I want if they bother to ask. I am not timid in that retrospect. I was taught if you want something you either go get it or tell someone what you want, no one is a mind reader. Sometimes it can be no bigger then putting an arm around me while i am curled up reading a book.. but for heavens sake, stay away from the flowers..lol.. Anywho, great writing. Thank you for this information, I hope everyone reads this.
Thank you Cat, glad you enjoyed the article. That is great that you are willing to openly express what you want and don’t want. I definitely encourage women to do the same. As you stated men are not mind readers, so it is in everyone’s best interest to speak up and be honest.
I love this article. This should be placed behind every men’s drivers license because they must be reminded everyday.
good article !! I think the last one is the biggest for men ..in 2012 men r selfish and so are women we dont know how to get over ourself and GIVE to our partners. We want it all with no sacrifice in relationships n life. If you give a person ur all n do things that mk them happy even when u dont like it it shows more than good sex etc. It shows respect, caring and they fact u are willing to give n not constantly take,..a selfless act most aren’t capable of..
Thank you Jada. If we could all learn to be more selfless, things would improve for everybody.
Sorry, women don’t know what they want, they tell what they think they want, which will change without notice from one day to the next. What they don’t want is a supplicating wuss.
True no woman wants a wuss, but they want a man who is attentive to their needs. That does not mean be a push over, or accept any level of disrespect. There must be a balance if you want the best results. Some women don’t know what they want, but that means she has yet to find herself and become the woman she needs to be. Therefore she probably isn’t ready to receive the man that is best for her.
I once heard an older couple talking amicably (and laughing) about romance on valentines day. The husband had almost forgotten V-Day. The wife said Romance is this; and she went on to explain her view. The husband said “That is the most inconvenient, ridiculous, out of this world explanation of romance I’ve ever heard” (paraphrasing). To which wife replied while laughing “EXACTLY!” And I agree. It makes absolutely no sense to be caring, unselfish, thoughtful, considerate, attentive, responsible, focused, invested in another person, except when it comes to romance. I always tell the best way to romance a woman is to “Shut the “F” up”. A woman will tell you what interests her. Notice, “INTERESTS” not turn her on. It can be as simple a drawing her a bath, sitting down and reading her favorite author to her ($25.00!). In agreement with Mike (Wilcox) many ladies don’t know what they want, or they express what they believe their man’s idea of romance is, and wind up frustrated….. I am man, and I’ve dropped the ball a few times, but oh well. I am a man. LOL.
NUFF SAID
I would cherish my woman but first I have to find that special lady to show her that she is the one for me.
I knew this stuff already. I should be giving this lecture
Guys, I highly recommend reading a book called The five love languages. Its not only about women, its about you all too. If you learn how to target those “love languages” you’ll find yourself getting a lil more romance.
Love them all esp num 3. Would work for me