A woman meets a man and she finds herself intrigued. They get to know each other and this man is simply everything she could hope for. Great guy, good-looking, and she recognizes a connection exists. She finds herself developing feelings for this man and wanting to be in his presence. She then begins to feel nervous and uncomfortable. How can this man be so great? She thinks this is simply too good to be true. These feelings make her feel like she isn’t in control, and she starts to feel vulnerable. So many people have hurt her in the past that it is difficult to believe this man is truly any different. These up and down emotions of wanting him and fearing him are too much. She runs from this situation, she just can’t bare it.
Another woman has been with a man for a while now. She finds herself feeling blah, unhappy or at best “ok”. The man just doesn’t fulfill her in the way she needs but with time invested she doesn’t feel she can walk away. She has witnessed others with men much worse than this, so she figures she should be happy with what she has. She feels maybe she doesn’t even deserve better because her view of herself is not where it needs to be. She has been hurt before and though this situation really isn’t the best fit, it is a safe choice. She is complacent, and is just taking it one day at time.
Did you notice what these two women have in common? Both have never truly moved past the pain and disappointment they have experienced or witnessed in their lives. Whether they both fully recognize it, there past is having a huge negative impact on their present and their future. How does this happen? It happens because neither of the two took the time to begin and finish the process of healing. Too many times I see women move from relationship to relationship because they don’t want to be alone. Some look to casual sex as a way to avoid a deep emotional investment because their heart simply can’t take it and doesn’t want to deal with it. Others go hide in their corner hoping nobody bothers them and at the same time swearing off relationships. Some will desire a relationship but not realize that the walls they put up to protect them, are simply blocking the blessings they deserve and desire. There are many different ways women choose to handle this issue but they will never move in the right direction if healing isn’t the process they partake.
You can’t find the love you need when you are not truly open to receive it. When you haven’t finished properly healing and addressing the real issues at hand you allow for your heart to become guarded or to just shut down altogether. Even if you are in a relationship with a good guy, you can easily and unknowingly sabotage a good thing because your past continues to haunt you. In order to move in the right direction and begin the healing process you must begin with the most important step, forgiveness. Yes you must forgive those that have brought you pain and disappointment. This does not mean you deem their actions ok and acceptable. It just means you will no longer hold on to any negative emotions that stem from it. We all have to understand that nobody is perfect. Whether we realize it or not we have all hurt someone. What that person did to you wasn’t about you, it was about their personal issues that they didn’t properly address and then took it out on you. It wasn’t a reflection of you, but it was a reflection of them. To many let the injustices that occur in their lives to cause them to look down on themselves, and deem themselves not good enough or deserving of better. Those people didn’t hurt you because you were inadequate in any way; they did it because they felt inadequate and wanted to take it out on somebody. Chances are they felt that way because someone did them wrong as well, they lacked healing and so the cycle continued. Let go of that pain and let us pray they get the help they need. The longer you hold on to the pain, the longer you allow it to damage you and you deserve better than that.
I know it can be hard to forget what has happened, but it is time to let go of what has happened. Without healing you will not be able to reach your full potential. Some people have it all (at least that is how others perceive them) and yet find themselves still struggling with their past because they have yet to start the healing. Lack of healing is an issue that so many of us face, and unless you are prepared to recognize an obstacle for what it is, you won’t be able to properly move past it. The process can be painful and very difficult, but when you are able to get through it you will emerge a better, happier, more loving individual. You will be able to receive the love that you deserve and have the strength to walk away from the relationship that really isn’t for you. Healing is a beautiful thing, so let us all grab hold of it and enjoy the blessings that have been waiting for us all along.
Side Note: I originally wrote this article on healing for a woman’s magazine which is why it is geared toward women. If you are a man reading this, the same rules apply to you. I will still write an additional articles that speaks directly to the men. In the meantime take heed to what this current article is saying.
Prepare and position yourself to receive the love and relationship you deserve. Get your copy of the Amazon Bestseller “God Where Is My Boaz” in Kindle,Paperback, or Audio Book format HERE. You can also get the PDF version HERE
78 thoughts on “Healing: What You Deserve Is Waiting For You”
Love the article. Nice!!! All I can say is easy said than done 🙂
thanks Joelle : ). most things are easier said than done, but that we shouldn’t let that get in the way of doing what is truly necessary.
This sounded like me about a year and a half ago before I forgave the person who hurt me. You are right Stephan in other to truely move on you have to beable to forgive, and the only person who can help with that is God. He can mend any broken heart.
Most definitely : ) and I am happy to hear you were able to take that necessary step.
Great article… I’m praying for strength to walk away and heal. Thanks
Thank you : ) and I will pray also that you find the strength to do what is best for you.
Its Been 10 Years Since Me and My First Love Broke Up and That Was the Worst Heart Ache I Have Ever Felt and Although I Have ForGiven Him and He Has Apologized to Me and Explained His Reasonings…It Still Hurts…God Has Even Gave Me a Better Understanding of His Side of the Situation and It Still Hurts…I Have Tried to Move On but Have Fallen Into Many Self DeStructing ReLationShips…They Say Time Heals all Wounds and I’m Wondering Is That True cuz the Pain Hasn’t Left…When I’m Getting Prayer EveryOne Has Seen Through My Broken Heart so Why Can’t I Move On Completely Even Having the Opportunity Of Getting His Explaination and Knowing That He Finally Knows How Bad I’ve Hurt and How Bad He’s Hurt Me!?! I’m Alwayz Looking to Feel How I Felt With Him in the Best Portion of Our Relationship and I Have Yet to Feel that Way about SomeOne Else…I Just Give Men a Chance for the Sake of Giving a Chance….What is Wrong With Me? Why Can’t I Move On so I Can Have a Chance of Feeling Something Greater!!??!!
The question I have is: have you considered getting back with him? Is that an available option? It seems you may have a genuine connection with this man and therefore trying to replace that will be difficult. Some people just have an attachment (not good) but I don’t think that is the case here. Don’t hesitate to email me to discuss this further
Where Should I Email To?
contact@StephanL.com
does anyone of this apply to like 19 or 20 yr olds that are having relationship problems with a girl
It absolutely does. It applies to anybody who has experienced hurt, disappointment, or heartbreak.
Terrific Article! I’ve learned to also get over past hurts by not only forgiving others but to also forgiven myself. I believe it’s also important to not accept any behaviors that cause pain and hold true to what you feel that you deserve, which is better than __________!
Thank you very much and you are absolutely correct. We must also learn to forgive ourselves, many people struggle with that.
Absolutely brilliant. Too many times men or women have brought baggage ( I mean more than one suitcase, a trolley, handbag and purse) into a new relationship and have ruined what could have been a good thing by relating/linking a minor issue to the past. We all need to deal with our past hurts, learn from the experience and not bring it into our future. Maybe some should remain single until these issues are cleared up! Good read.
Thank you Rum Punch. People definitely should strongly consider remaining single until they have cleared up these issues. It would increase their ability to have a great relationship, and reduce the chances that they will contribute to damaging a relationship or entering into the wrong one to begin with.
Wow!!! I am so glad I read this!!! I just divorced 9 mnths ago.. And I feel like I am healing however there are times when it it very hard! Reading this has given me more strength! Thanks !
I happy this article was able to help you and give you more strength. Just keep moving in a positive direction and it will all start to get much easier : ).
I will never understand how four letter-words like Hurt & Pain are constantly hard to overcome. In reading this I realize that I continue to look back as a reminder that I’ve been hurt and it could happen again. I met someone back in 09 and he’s been constant in my life ever since. Apart of me wants to be with him but the other half is questionable because of my past. I needed to read this article and I’m glad I did. Guess life is all about taking risk.
I’m glad this article could help you realize some things. It is time to no longer let fear and your past hurts hold you back any longer from getting the blessings you deserve. Life is about taking risks, and love is a big risk to take. It can feel like the “right person” poses the greatest threat of more hurt, but they also provide the greatest reward of love and happiness. It is worth it, just operate in faith, not fear.
I stumbled across this article and I found it to be something I had been experiencing pretty much all my life. I went from relationship to relationship to actually getting married to seperating from him to repeating the whole cycle again. I recently took a step back from it all I.e relationship,dating & sex to pretty much deal with the pain I had been holding onto I am almost she my problem has been I’ve been looking for the love that I should have gotten from my dad and I had pretty much felt that if I truly let down my guard that every man would leave me the sameway he did.
.so ur absolutely right about taking time out to heal I just don’t know how to completely let it go!
As I read this I sit here crying because this is me. My husband and I got married last year July 18. 4 months after that and while I was 7 months pregnant with our second child he told me that he didn’t want to married, nor did he want to try to work on whatever was wrong and has never loved me. Our divorce will be final next month. Through this time I have been working on forgiving him and learning from this. It is extremely hard. I don’t want to carry my hurt and pain into another relationship. Thank you for the article!
I am sorry to hear that you had to experience this. It is very unfortunate and what is done is done. So I want you to embrace to positive moving forward. You have been released from a relationship that was never really for you. Many women get dragged (or drag another) through the wrong relationship and it only creates more damage and years of unhappiness and lack of fulfillment. You now have an opportunity to be freed and to prepare yourself for the relationship you deserve. I’m sure there was probably always something in the back of your mind that knew this relationship was not what it should or needed to be, but you found enough to hold on to. Now you can get everything that you deserve and that is a great thing. I know it still hurts but forgive him and yourself, appreciate that the truth has come out, and embrace the blessings that are waiting for you. Great things are coming, so just prepare yourself and pray the he also gets to the best place for him. You are going to be happier than you ever thought you could be, just get ready for it : ).
I agree, but how do you really heal? I know forgiveness is the first step. But what if you’ve forgiven all who have hurt you, but yet you still can’t forget what happened and it causes you to always be suspicious of the new guys you date? How do you erase it out of your memory? lol…especially if every guy has pretty much done the same thing to you, how do you not have the thought that this new guy won’t do the same? People say time heals all wounds, but it really doesn’t. The pain may go away with time, but the trust issue is still there.
Most of us will not forget, but we can overcome it being a roadblock as we move forward. Personally I learned not to put my trust in people, but instead to put my trust in GOD. He can lead me and he can show me who to deal with, who not to deal with, or how to deal with them. Whether that fits into your belief system or not, you just have to practice faith. Practice trusting your judgement but not letting your fear consume you. You have to fight through those moments and try to put your best foot forward. I can’t gain your trust if you don’t give me an opportunity to earn it. So you give it a try, and if a person fails then you don’t stop trusting everybody, you can just be weary of them and keep it moving. Someone will be able to do right by you with the opportunity, and then you can just take it from there.
I just found out that the would i love has been cheating on me. Feeling different emotions right. How to I start to forgive and start healing??
good reply this makes sense!!!very wise answer!!
I don’t think we as people realize how much our past can affect our present and future if we allow the negative and hurtful feelings to hold us back for what God has in store for us. thank you for posting this.
I have read this article in the moment when it was necessary to read it … it’s amazing how we find something that we could apply for our own situation just when we need it. Thank you God for that and for You Stephan! Healing from the past, hmm, now that’s the thing we all should do, but usually don’t. At least I haven’t all until now, and I can say from my experience, it’s a hell of a good thing 🙂 … As first you overcome lot of frustrations you once had, and as second you begin to understand your own needs, what you assume that you deserve … and its easy then to move away from your life all that doesn’t suite you anymore … wether its about people or situations you find yourself in. Now, the healing process isn’t always so short neither so long, guess it depends from the person who is in that process … I can honestly say I needed almost a year. Now for the first time in my life I am that opened to the world and to myself … and hoping all bad experiences will now be exchanged with some new bright moments of happiness that we all deserve.
Thank you! I really needed this. It is hard to move on 100%.I’m trying to let go of the hate, but memories are slowly fading.
I would love to be in a relationship right now. I am to aware of the hurt I have in my heart and I do not want to bring that to my next relationship. I appreciate the part about not rushing into any relationship, even if its just a “sex” relationship.
THIS WAS AN AMAZING READ
Too many of us are living in the past and blocking our blessings. We say we want a good man, but continue to hold on to the bad one and then make the rest pay for that. We live and learn…take the lesson, heal yourself, move on and enjoy life!
I guess I’m the exception to the rule! I was for a long time the girl who ran away the second she believed the man was too good to be true. Got over my troubled past experiences, but believed I needed my guards up at all times. Met this new guy, great man and we connected right away.This time I decided to face my fear and give it a try. Because my brain kept telling me to leave; I decided to markdown every positive thing he would say or do (for my eyes only.. lol) so that every time I would face doubts I had something to rely on and prove me wrong ( “girl you just tripping!”type of thing). After a few months of talking and appreciating each other, the man suddenly left without a word leaving me hurt once again. At that point, I wish I had followed my intuition/fear instead of being hurt and ran. I doubt I will have the strength to try it one more time and will probably run again.
You did the right thing by conquering your fear. Do not let the fact that he chose to run to now put you back in a negative place.
I believe that was God’s lesson for you to allow emotional vulnerability. You were able to reveal to yourself that you can conquer your fears.
Love this
I can definitely relate to the first woman. Yes I will admit that I have a lot to work on which is why i don't mind being single. I'm a working progress!
You have described my past im embracing my healing. Bc I no longer want to run and hide I deserved my Boaz. and for that I need to work on me and my healing .
I am going thru this right now. In love with a man that is broken from his past. I just recently started praying that he will face his hurt and begin healing not for me but for him to have peace in his life and stop punishing new people for others mistakes.
We know this but somehow it is comforting to read
I'm in love but just had my heart broken. Going from I love you do much baby to no communication. Trying too be forward big I can't stop thinking about all the plans we had. Trusting God that this was a lesson and not part of Gods plan. Tho the hurt us oh so real.
Thank you so much for the words of inspiration .been in the process was very difficult for me all by
myself. No one understand why
I've just wanted to spend all my time alone !! I have learn to pray, forgive, let go ,
I took alot fromb this .ibid thinkb id found the good man .the ine whwho's xxx walk to store .he didnt drive yet from France. Cook me dinner at twob am when I was pregnant knows what little things I like at store picks them up . VCard oaks and cuts up my steak .must I remember this nagging feeling .hes to nice .but I thought it must b cuz Id come from abusive marriage and never did these things but it was so strong .looking back and hearing and reading poo w he charmed all the other many many women including a best friend thru most of out seventeen marriage hec was just that to nice .he knew how to play you .I know in my heart we would have never married if not for our daughter .I had broke up with him cuz he was rude stood me up valentines and didnt even care it made me mad. Broke a date to go movies with a friend. A girl ..I know I have a ling road of healing cuz the damage of finding out u married a sec addict and the traumatic things ive seen .is there a msn anymore with alm thecrazy stuff on the social network that can b faithful .ggrailist ..looking for women I can screw in ….
looking for ..web sites for everything ..havev been so tarnished ..this year is first year ive felt hope in years .my confidence destroyed and shock of seeing how many other have this same issue is scairy ..but he had choices to go in thst computer where he wanted or the womenb he hit on at his job .etc I will heal cuz I have to .Im taking my control back back I cant live this broken
Ebony I totally agree with you.
Me to Cassandra…..
It's very hard. I broke up one and a have year ago with my husband and it still hurts.
I have been thru this. I still have problems with leting anyone get close to me. I am trying.
This is so true. I appreciate everything I read here on this site! Thank you
I closely identify with the second woman. There are things that my husband has done in the past that were forgiven, but not forgotten. I’ve tried to heal from the past, but it doesn’t seem to have worked. I’ve reached the point where I know that I deserve happiness. I just don’t know how to get it. He’s happy and the kids are happy, so why stir the pot? I choose to remain complacent for everyone else’s sake. It could be worse, right? Is my happiness really THAT important (to take precedent over my children’s)?
Maybe I’ll be happy one day………or in my next lifetime……
This is so true! Thank you for writing this article.
So true
ME! <3 THIS
As a man I'm struggling with forgiveness and trust. Trying to recover from heartache and pain it's hard, so I continue to pray, and just give thanks.
Thank you……<3
So how do u begin the healing and self forgiveness? ??
So oooooooo true!
I goin thur a sitution now.. my boyfriend recently admitted that he cheated on me.We been together 9months thur out the relationship repeatly have he cheated his reply everytime “No”..I put hym out 2weeks now he got locked up last week i been answering his calls ,going to see every since he been there.Now since he told me he cheated I hurt in pain and part of me want to walk away,everytime I visit hym its anger…cause this was a random girl he say he didnt even know,so im looking at myself like what did she have that I didnt…So i luv u,no one can take your place,all that now I questioned all that I feel like it was all fake…like the whole relationship was basic on a lie…so what should I do cause im damage my confident my heart is torn over this cause i really thought he was 4 me
Well said I being trying to get over my situation but its so difficult everytime I see him the pain and hurt its still there
I'm am so n lesser by this because I am going through the healing process now and needed a little encouragement
Thank you for the advice because that what I am facing right now
I'm going through this right now from a past relationship. My ex hurt me to the core and I tried my best to keep him happy. Everything he didn't want me to do or be as far as my presence he's accepting that from his new girlfriend and now he's happy. So I'm hating that he's happy with his new relationship and I can't even seem to get a new relationship off the ground because of everything he put me through
I love this guy so much not noticing that he was there just to get what ever he wanted, I love him so much until I forget that im worth more that what he thinks of me. But then I keep telling my self he will change but that day aint coming at all, and to top it off that was the first relationship I was in, he thinks im not good for him because I wont have sex with him but thank god for the parents I was brought up with and my God, I pull my self together and yes I cry because im young but thank GOD I here and strong and I trust my self , even doe some times I get lonely and bored I look my self in the mirror and say to my self its going to be alright because it better to be lonely than to have another broken heart. I just wanna be love for me and me alone, not for I have. so im going to continue to love my self.
I THANK YOU. WHEN I GET IN A RELATIONSHIP I RUN FROM IT AFRAID OF GETTING HURT AGAIN MY LOVE I GIVE I LOVE HARD. AND IT HAS BEEN TAKEN FOR GRANTED AND IT HURTS. I KNOW IT IS TIME TO LET GO. SO SOMEONE CAN LOVE ME AS I LOVE HIM.I FOR GIVE ALL THE HURT OF MY PASS I FOR GIVE YOU. IF I HURT ANYONE I ASK YOU TO FOR GIVE ME.I AM SO SORRY. TIME FOR ALL OF US TO MOVE ON. GOD HAS THAT ONE WHO IS LOOKING FOR WHAT WE ARE LOOKING FOR LOVE.LET IT GO. I HAVE THANK YOU GOD
Totally love reading your articles, it has been such a great help to me!
Great information-much appreciated!
This is the best article I have read so far. . Things are making sense to me now. Thank you!
What am I doing wrong ? Is the big question,single parent and I just don't seem to get the right guy!!
how could you forgive a person who keeps saying "i'm sorry" and still continue to treat you badly.. always insulting you? it's best to ignore that person and stay away as far as possible to keep your sanity.
It's a very good article, thank you Stephan! I was never dumped by a guy, so i think it's inappropriate for me to make an opinion. The fact is that I always end up driving everyone away, and not make commitments. I was never hurt by men in my past, i guess the problem is with me, i'll have to figure it out! Maybe seeing around me guys who always cheat on women… hmm, or it is more than that !!?? Thanks again for your good advices, Emy.:)
Excellent article. I thought I had done a better job of this. After reading this I realized I have not. I have work to do.
Ok I’m both women. I was abused both mentally n physically in the past so I kept walls up. I met a great man 10 years ago and married him. We had two children. Then I found out he cheated after our 2nd child was born. That was 6Years ago. O left him 2 years ago because I couldn’t get over the fact that he cheated on me. He begs me back but I just don’t know wat to do. Any advice?
i so need this
How do you move past that person when they are still a close part of your family. We did not have children together but he is very close with my relatives (my father recently sat in the front row at his wedding).
I need this
Yes we have to forgive in order to heal but at times if we just received a sincere heartfelt "I am sorry for hurting you" it may assist with the healing process. I know at times we may have to accept that we may never receive an apology but we must forgive anyway. I personally would feel a whole lot better if the person I was forgiving was equally if not more so as sorry for causing me pain. That being said we are commanded to forgive regardless.