At one point, I thought things would get better between the three of us (my husband, his baby mama and I). I thought we could come to a mutual agreement for the child. At this point, I believe in the statement “Things get worse before they get better”. Let me break it down for you…
My Husband and I have been married since 2008. We were High School sweethearts and prior to us getting married we already had two children together. During the time we were apart we both saw other people (The Rebounds). Long story short, he had another child (#3 for him). Prior to the child he had with Ms. Rebound; she also had two other children from different men (3 “baby daddies” total). Neither one of those fathers were actively in their kid’s lives (no child support, visits, NOTHING). My husband only stayed with her for the child (so he says). They stayed together during her pregnancy and a little over a year after that. My husband is a “Stand Up Guy” who filed Child Support on himself shortly after we split and he had his third child added as soon as he was born (he & Rebound were still together). He has paid Child Support since day one. He always did his part with our kids and hers. I never kept my kid’s from their Father, EVER!
So, after things did not work out between the two of them, they split and we eventually got back together. Honestly, we hooked up a few times during both of our relationships with other people (always safe) but that was up until he told me about the other baby. We got back together maybe a month or so after he split with Ms. Rebound. A year later we got married and one year after that we had our third child together. THIS IS REALLY WHEN ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE!
They were supposed to have a mutual agreement as far as the child was concerned. Unfortunately Ms. Rebound knew the only way to get to my husband was through their son. So she started saying we couldn’t pick him, you’ll never see him again, blah, blah, blah. Then she would send text messages to our phones just wanting to pick her son up for no reason. She would also makeup lies to tell the daycare which would cause them to not allow my husband to go there and see his son. She would keep him away for weeks at a time but when she would call she’d expect him to jump. When he didn’t jump that would infuriate her more. This went on for two years. I know you are probably thinking “why didn’t your Husband just get a Court Order to see his son?” I use to ask him that all the time too. The only defense I have is that he is such a non-confrontational…Okay, I have nothing. He says “we will pray about it” but I think it takes more than just prayer. Don’t get me wrong prayer + action = results *shrugs* well that’s what I always say.
Last year she was still keeping his son away from him. She has not been in a stable relationship (I lost count) since the two of them broke up. She claims to be in love with EVERYONE that she hooks up with and at one point she even dated MY BROTHER! (Her and my brother used to go to school together). The couple of months that she was in love with my brother was the ONLY time my husband didn’t have a problem seeing his son. My husband didn’t care that my brother messed with his baby mama because we both knew my brother! She went from dating men to women and then back to men again. Constantly moving and changing her cell phone number. Late last year we found out she was a in and out of jail and just had so many issues going on. Needless to say that this was a very unstable environment for the kids and for herself.
My Husband has not seen his son in a month. Ms. Rebound’s cousin called us the other night and filled us in on most of the above. She told my husband “if you have any ounce of love for your son, PLEASE do whatever is necessary to get him”. So after that phone call my husband decides to give Ms. Rebound a call. When she finally answered he confronted her with everything he had just been told. Of course she denied it and refused to tell him where they were staying or what school the child went to. FINALLY, my husband filed a report with the Department of Children Services. Now I have tried to tell him that I’ve had his back since day one but am I wrong for just being TIRED and NOT CARING anymore? It has taken him five years! I’ve put up with her constant disrespect and flat-out bullsh*t. I’m NOT going to leave my husband but I just feel like showing him some tough love and having him handle that all by himself. We currently have the child with us (Temporary Court Order), he calls me mom and I have never treated him any different from my three. I’m just ready for all the drama to be over.
Anonymous
Stephan’s Side Note: Sometimes we are so busy holding on to the past that we can’t even notice the blessings in the present. This woman had not forgiven her husband for how he had handled the situation and for simply having to deal with all of this. Rather than see that finally things could be resolved and that things would be much better, the frustration of the last few years had her prepared to take a position of payback (which she perceived as tough love). Tough Love comes from a good place but the reality is this was coming from negative emotions. This would have only caused issues in her marriage and pushed her husband away when he needed her by his side. She should openly and calmly express how she feels to her husband. As a man he has to be willing to acknowledge all her efforts and how this situation has made her feel. Both have to agree to now move in a positive direction together and let Love not frustration guide them. Always address your issues, forgive, and embrace taking a positive approach to your situations. A goal in marriage should be to grow together…not let the unresolved negativity push you two apart.
46 thoughts on “My Husband, His Baby Mama, and I”
After spending as many years fighting for your family, you make a strong decision to stop. That so called “tough love” will only make your marriage more strained. Stand strong on God’s promises and believe He will bring you through. “In all things give thanks.” You have weathered the storm and now your breakthrough is on the way. Don’t ever allow your worldly decisions to overshadow doing what’s right. When it’s all said and done, we don’t know God’s plan, we just have to follow the blueprints. Stand until the end. PRAY
I totally agree with you Stephan. But can I acknowledge this woman for how she appears to be a stand up kind of woman who has stood by her husband throughout the course of the drama, giving support and offered suggestions to no avail for at least 2-3 years. It seems that her support and suggestions meant less to him than a cousin of this baby mama. Suddenly he decides to take acting after taking his family through all that drama. I believe sometimes that we must acknowledge the ones who support us and make them feel secure that thier comfort is most important. This guy just praying about it is also communicating that he is not the man that she thought he was and doesn’t deserve the respect that she seems to be giving him. Women want to know you will put them first…she is still not sure because what will happen after temporary custody is over?? She can forgive but I believe there is an underlying question whether he will stand up in the future and be a man and protect his wife and his family from this drama.
I’m in this situation my husband was going through the court process and now he decided to just get a notary to sign a paper stating that he can get his son on certain days. I don’t agree after we spent over $500 to start this process to get shared custody. But he thinks it’s better than paying back pay which money is not an issue I rather him pay back pay than to go through the drama. The child mother always text my husband things like “he is not your child he only mine” and “you are a dead beat” ;but mind you he takes care of the child from clothes to hair cut, food etc..I’m tired me and her had three physical altercation which I’m tired of teaching her about disrespecting me when I have nothing to do with the child. I have been with my husband since the child was 1 and now he is 4. I just don’t know what to say or do from here any help or advice I’m open for it please before I loose it!!!!!
So I completely understand this situation (my parents had it worse then this to say the least)…and reading this I can tell/see/and understand your frustration too. I would be irritated and would want to show some tough love to my husband too or say “if only you did his or that” or “told you so”. BUT, through all that crap you guys are a team. Remember the vows “for better or worse.” This is definitely a “Worse” moment but it will get better.
I agree with Ptrisha1- doing the tough love thing will just strain the relationship more. From this stand point he should have stepped up and done something sooner-I understand that and I’m all for get it done get it done get it done. BUT I can/do respect he wanted to pray first and if he was feeling like he should wait/God was telling him to wait then I can not argue with that. Have you thought about his feelings during this process? This probably irritates and hurts him as well and the only way he’s make through is because of you, being by his side.
Tough love: If you want to distance yourself from your husband, cause a fight, build a wall between you two, break up your relationship, divorce, hurt your children-lets face it they know something is going on even when you don’t talk (they are not stupid)-all that stuff…by all means, show him the tough love. Maybe this won’t happen but I can guarantee one thing: you will only make it worse, and you are laying that foundation for a wall.
Just my 2 cents.
My Mom started this, distancing herself from the whole situation. Telling my Dad it’s his problem because she was tired of it. I do not trust my half siblings completely-heck at all but my half sister wanted to be part of the family now that we are all adults. I am pretty much having to choose between my Mom and my half siblings…because she wants nothing to do with them because of all the crap from their mother and what she made my half siblings do. This is hurtful to me even though I don’t trust them they are still family. So yes I know how it feels/the affects of what can happen.
Ok.I guess it’s good to know that I’m not the only one in a similar situation. I too have given my significant other advice on how to get a handle on the situation at hand. He chose to ignore me and do things his way. After countless trips in and out of state to go see his child and to be able to not see the child after hours on the road and wasting money on gas…he stated to see it my way. When he started to see it my way I really felt like this woman..I don’t care to even be involved anymore. I took the time out to show you how much I cared by giving advice and when you got upset, I was upset with you. When you were let down, I was let down with you. When things didn’t go your way it affected me as well. So now that I’m tired of being jerked around with you I’m at the point where I’m tired and now I’m going to let you handle it Not that I don’t care about you, I just don’t care to be stressed out about it any more because I showed you through my words and my countless actions to help you get control of your situation that I cared. So I know exactly how this woman feels. The biggest thing I learned was when you are in a committed relationship with someone who is in this situation their journey becomes your journey. I think that her husband needs to realize how it has affected her. She’s affected to a greater degree than what we see or she’s telling us. The two of them were involved with other while they were seeing other people. He goes and has a baby with her. Now she has to deal with that situation. So it’s a lot for her to handle. By her giving him advice shows that she has taken on his journey and not because the two of them are married. I’m assuming the child was born way before they were officially married. Because she has demonstrated her care for him and his situation, he should acknowledge that she has been trying to help him from day one. True they should be praying about it. That will help to make them stronger and will also help to make the situation better, but he is going to have to give God something to work with. Put some action into it. He won’t be able to fix it alone (which is why he’s praying in the first place) but he could have done something way before now. I understand what you are saying and you have a point from a man’s perspective. However, if he feels that way after the fact then that is just crazy to me. His wife has had to deal with a lot from the situation and his BBM. Dealing with her alone is probably enough to drive her crazy. So I think he needs to take the time out to acknowledge all that she has done in the beginning and recognize that she did it because she cares for him and his situation along with fully understanding why now she’s tired and not really fixed on helping him at this point. They just need to continue to pray about it. I’ve seen from my parents situation and even from mine where prayer can turn things around with his BBM and in their marriage.
You make an excellent point. If you notice I went back and updated my side note. I realized that I only gave stated what I basically told her because she was the only one I had an opportunity to speak to. Had I spoken to the husband then I would of definitely explained to him how he need to acknowledge her feelings and how this ordeal has affected her. So I changed the side note so that when men who read this (who are or ever find themselves in a similar situation) now they too will have some advice to take away from this scenario. The main thing is that we move in a better direction. I think we can all understand her feelings, but we can’t allow that to get in the way of having a better relationship.
This here is the best message I have ever seen in response to the issue at hand I am going through such a similar situation you are on POINT with this response! Thank you so much this really helped me! I also love how you say his journey is my journey because that is one of my babymoms biggest problems she thinks I have nothing to do with it and I should not be involved and that I am not even his step mom because she had that baby during my marriage so it means nothing to her and has no respect for me at all. Totally over it!
While the wife may be dealing with a lot. It pales in comparison to what the man is dealing with. Basically the wife has a choice or a cop out to say I’m going to let you deal with it I’m tired. The man does not have that option it’s his child he has to deal with it. So in my opinion it’s pathetic to remove yourself from a situation because it’s not handled how you want it to be or as fast as you want it to be. In marriage you support until it’s resolved plain and simple. Show was on the other foot wife would want support no matter how long it takes. Unwavering support is key because while you may decide to give tough love (cop out) he may respond negatively to that and feel alone or betrayed which leads to a host of other problems. Never should you remove yourself from a situation as such until you are requested or demanded.
This is a classic case of someone not ready to let go. You have to put people in their place and make them stay in their lane. She no longer has the right to call you outside of “friend” hours. If its not an emergency, then shut ’em down. Here is whats funny, people fight you tooth and nail for child support, then when you pay it, they suddenly want you to “be around more,” now isnt that funny. Make them respect your new relationship. Hold them to what the court agreement says. They made a choice to put the kids in the system now they have to live with that.
Thank You Stephen, for your advice. I applied it to my situation!
FOR THE RECORD, I NEVER said I would Stop standing by my husband. I just wanted to know was my feelings wrong and/or even normal. We are in a much better place now. We have Full Custody of my stepson now and his Mother recently signed over all of her rights (for her it was never about the child in the first place) We have not heard from her since we were served with papers of her relinquishing her rights. I am still a little sadden by the situation because I know what it feels like to grow up with neither a Mother or Father (biological) but I’m am thankful that God work things out for the best interest of the child. Thank YOU all for your input, opinions and encouraging words 🙂
The thing I mostly take away from reading this, and all the comments?
I’m glad that I ALWAYS use condoms. No “baby mama drama” for me.
this whole bull shit story about love when ppl are cheating and lying you don’t even know what love is I Feel Sorry For His Children Cause They Gonna Do The Sam b.s with men n woman when they get older smdh
I was just saying the other day that sometimes we women need shut up and let well enough alone. I mean any woman who’s ever been with a man that knows the frustration of telling a man something a fagillion times only to have him turn to you one day after days/weeks/months/years and say “honey, you know what I was thinking. . .” or “baby, you know I was talking the so and so the other day and HE said . . ” It’s infuriating I know! But dang, ladies, once you get your way, is it really important who’s idea it was?? That is the very definition of a nag. Even when he’s finally right – he’s wrong. Your best bet is to congratulate that brother on his wisdom and MOVE ON!
craziness.
D. Elaine Fields
http://www.defieldsbooks.wix.com/loveandlies
#whatwouldyoudoifhismistresscalledyou
I honestly think your answer is bullshit, and I mean no disrespect to you at all. But she has every right to no longer care to beninvolved in a situation that honestly should not involve her. That is HIS child, not hers, an therefore it is HIS responsibility to make sure that whatever needs to happen for that child does happen. If it takes him 5 years to finally decide that he wants to try for custody of his child after years of seeing that child at only his triflin baby mothers’ discretion then it seems to me as if he really may init have been sure that he wanted that child as a permanent fixture in his life. I love my husband with all my heart but if he ever puts me in a situation like this, he’s on his own. You’re a grown man, figure it out.
Be prepared for a vice versa situation. God forbid something happens to your family and you need support don’t get mad if he says that’s YOUR family you’re a grown woman figure it out on your own.
I should have known that this woman was the devil when she had me come over her house and she lied to her boyfriend and said I was her cousin. One year later, I’m a dad. She did me worst than the first dude. Here is a real phone conversation between us both. Man this is so crazy I went through the exact same thing. In fact in a way I’m still going through it. I’m not seeing my child like I’m supposed to either. In fact she kept my daughter away from me for 8 months. Then she moved 1200 miles away without even telling me. My wife and I wrote a book about this whole thing.
Phone conversation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ps6YLJI04qE
I Agree Also the kids shouldn’t have to be put in a terrible situation I Love that she has put the BS behind her & focused on the Love 4 the child…:)
The tendency in these types of relationships is for all parties not to set and respect boundaries. Many babydaddies have unfinished emotional business with the moms of their children and are quick to take up with another relation?ship which only ex)temuation. Moral ?
No one wants to hear it but… Ladies can’t give it up too quick just because the guy runs good pipe.
Oftentimes in relationships like this, men fall silent while the women involved (baby mamas, wives, or girlfriends) are left to duke it out and try to make sense of the madness. Relationships like these need BOUNDARIES and men need to LEAD. Also, so many “baby daddies” have unfinished emotional business with the mothers of their children and think that running away and hiding out in a new relationship will fix it, only to have to deal with the storm in the form of not being able to see their children, court dates, etc. Do the hard work BEFORE you get into a new relationship gentlemen. And ladies, if you choose to be with a man who has children outside of your relationship, make sure that he has a respectful relationship with the mother of his children with boundaries already enforced; and if necessary, give him TIME to do so. No relationship is built overnight, including a co-parenting one. Do the work, or pay the consequences later. PS.. can wives and gf’s PLEASE stop the list of negativity and put downs on the mothers of their man’s children? I’m sure if we examined your parenting skills, they’d fall short also. It’s not a competition ladies. It’s a life and innocent children are involved. -Melissa https://mamasbaby.blogspot.com
With all due respect: Your response, Mr. Labossiere, is crapshoot. You completely dismissed the YEARS before the wife got to this point and reverted to the asumption that this woman is indirectly punishing her husband.
Whether her ‘tough love’ is coming from a negative place is hardly the point, and I’d almost say irrelevant. The point is this: This woman trusted her HUSBAND, not boyfriend, but legally-bound individual to care for, defend, and protect her, their home, and his family (including this little boy from an unstable parent). His actions- or I should say, inaction is **exactly** what prompted this woman’s response of figuratively throwing her hands up in the air and giving up.
Nothing in this woman’s post indiciates she is “holding on to the past.” I have two problems with this phrase you nonchalantly threw out there:
For one, this woman is dealing with the “habitual behavior” and “personality” of the child’s mother.She is not dealing with some mere occurrences that happened before her time. So this isn’t a case of “past slight.” It was an environment. One that she was fully submerged in and part of.
Secondly, for those of you who have never witnessed firsthand, or have been, in a stepmom position with coniving, vindictive women, cannot fully appreciate the emotional damage and chaos they can affect with the man, and as a domino-effect, with the wife and the family as a whole. By her husband choosing to be “passive” in what can only be described as a war zone, he gave this woman every right to maintain an offensive position and take the necessary “precautions” (i.e., not caring anymore). I would bet my bottom dollar she is doing this to save her sanity, and most importantly protect herself and her family- something which HE should have done since this was his creation.
Too many men get married and allow these women to violate boundaries expecting the wives to understand that this is them advocating for peace. The problem with that is their relationships with their wives and the subsequent family is destroyed/severely damaged in the process. And then we wonder why second marriages practically don’t stand a chance…..
The best thing a man can do in these types of cases is protect their home.
Your comment is silly. He did not fail to protect anyone. And his passive actions towards his baby mama does not speak for what he would do pertaining to the wife in a situation of need. You sound semi angry and vindictive as well. If she gave up on the situation that is based upon her. Simple and plain, I don’t care if it took him 10 years to take control as a step parent it’s not your place to judge but only step in when necessary and support mentally physically and emotionally.
Me and my husband have been married for 3 years. He loves me like I have never felt. I am a recovering addict, and I fell off, a year later. I wake up to my husband sleeping on the couch, I picked up his cell phone to see a pictures of him having sex with his baby moma. I of course was destroyed, he then began to slap and choke me. We have been trying to work things out. His baby mom disrespects me all the time, please help.
Omg leave him!
Great movie ideas, hey need some I.S.A.
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No baby mother should be texting or call her babydaddy late at night she or the kids is not on dying further more the man is married .I think there is sorryass man out there who Dont know how to respect relationship.how is that babymother have kids can’t set example so the kids Dont for man who have kids and into another with someone.my point teach the kids right from from wrong where they follow the same pattern the both parents are drawing together.does anyone understand this.
Unfortuately I'm in the process of separating from my husband… His baby momma and my husband lack of communication to her is allowing this to happen.
PLEASE HELP… My boyfriend has a five year daughter and when her mother met me she petitioned the court for more child support. mind you he already pays $1000 a month on top of paying half of her daycare and buying her everything her heart desires when she is with him 2-3 times per week. Now she has been a rotten baby mother since day one according to him. He had to fight to have visitation with his own daughter! Fast forward we are just coming home from her 5th bday party and he is mad at me because I told his baby mother bye. Now I know she is crazy but I’m not going to adjust myself for her. I hope to kill her with kindness. His fear is that she will retaliate out of anger that he’s moved on. Mind you she is dating someone who also attended the party. And they broke up when his daughter was 3 months old. I don’t know how to act around her without being true to myself. I understand why he hates her and is reluctant to puss her off because she has a history of retaliating when pissed off! But I believe right is right and I don’t hate her. I adore their daughter and I would never verbalized to others, the mothers bad manners. I too will not act rude towards her. So when I left the party I hugged her and her mother. My boyfriend was highly pissed off because he has no dealing with those two other than his Dtr and felt that would aggravate his baby mother. I’m above this drama and didn’t realize how it plays out. I’m so sad now because I spent the whole time at the party basically by myself, I literally could have stayed home and watched law & order all day long but I attended the bday party to support him & his Dtr. My take on it is we can not control her but I’m not going to change myself to accommodate her bad habits. At the end of the day I’m second guessing being with a man with a child. we’ll see how this turns out.
I have been married to my husband for 8 years. My stepson was 2 when we were married. My other kids are grown with children. The Baby Mama is full of drama to say the least. She was texting my husband and threatening to take him out of school and put him in another school where she lives. My husband asked me to text her to quit texting him which I did. She blows up and tells me to mind my own business and my stepson doesn’t like me. Everyone who knows me knows my feelings for this boy. I have always put him first. Last night she had the nerve to walk to our vehicle when our son got in and talk to my husband about an issue she directed the conversation to my husband. I so wanted to put my window back up and leave but my husband listened to her ignorance. God help me I think I want a divorce because I can’t handle this no more! Any advice ?
How do I take my name off here?
I said no to babies mama drama it’s a full time unrewardin job. I get instant diarrhea dealing with nonsense. . …… all its does it creates Self worth and low elf esteem. One won’t and can’t be a factor in my life .
First considered her none existence .do you .never allow that interaction because nothing can’t come out it. Unless she is really done with you man .but .but allowing that interaction open door to more hell..the child is innocent never ever said something around the child ..try your best to nurture them as an outstanding stepmother you never what they may eventually grow up to become. Loving will go a long way
Again the child has nothing to do with the momm biter cold heart . Always look your best when you step out . And never sweat the nonsense she post on intergram or Facebook honey .it’s call what should of could ..Silence us the best wapeon talk is super cheat. Let her do all the the trash talk and shut it down out unbreakable and confidence. Life is too short to lead someone flipping my mood . . Again Noone can make you feel inferior without your consent. So take charge if it
I know 3 years late but how can you demand respect from her when you didn’t respect their relationship at the time. I’m confused, whether if it was safe sex or the fact that she was the rebound you should have respected the relationship. Sounds to me like you got a taste of your own medicine. Now she was the best mother and glad to the child is out of that off situation. But did it ever cross your mind that she found out about the two and was hurt. Honestly if you were in her shoes wouldn’t buoy be angry?
Somebody with some sense bless you sweety
Late I know lol, but I don’t feel bad for hoes like this “wife”. He was in a relationship with the BM, she wasn’t some random, and this hoe was being a side chick. You looking like Tara on Love and Hip Hop boo boo. PS she’s also delusional. He married you after the fact, 3 kids later.
Here’s some news… Side chicks come in pairs. Unless she’s got no kids by you, gets next to none of your money, time or emotions and is outside of your social circle then everyone involved is a side chick.
Why the heck would you get back with this guy when he got another woman pregnant? Doesn’t it show that that boat went afloat you deserve better, as far as the mental instability of this woman she’s obvious sick and has problems but that’s your husband’s problem not yours. You tend to poke fingers a lot at this woman she doesn’t owe anything to you, why do you care so much about her? This is all your husband’s problem not yours and quite honestly birds of a feather flock together is he truly this Prince Charming if he has this woman as a past (possibly present or recent past by the way you describe the situation) mistress? Focus on yourself and your kids honey, get out of this toxic situation with your scumbag husband it’s not your chair not your problem.
It’s really not clear that she “deserves better” as she clearly chose worse. This whole mess is what happens when people don’t have the awareness to see that these types of ghetto situations are very unhealthy and unstable.
Ghetto? So non ghetto whatever that is people don’t go through this? Lol silly rabbit
Yeah, pretty much. Do you need to get out of the suburbs for a bit ? Kids before marriage, get married, mess around, have a kid with a pro baby mom, get BACK with the “wife” who was banging other guys then be saddled with all of the drama bringing that aaaaaall back to your home… Ghetto as a dice game on a sidewalk.
Watch out ! That’s a dangerous game that might have you in this other woman’s position…
Some men respond well to your tough love. Others feel betrayed. Precarious situation. Tread lightly
I’ve been dating this guy for 4 years and lived together for 2 of those 4 years. He has an ex high school sweetheart/baby mama who is married with 3 kids with her husband, which gives her 4 kids total. My S.O. and his ex have a daughter together who just turned 11. They was high school sweethearts he went off to college she ended up cheating on him messing around on him she got pregnant they had to find out who the dad was(it was either her current husband’s baby or my S.O.’s baby) he end up being the dad she stayed with the man that she’s married to now but her and my S.O. continued to see each other behind her husband’s back for probably the next 10 or 12 years and I often wonder if they still have something going on just because of the late night texting or texting throughout the day. He’s not ever been in another relationship besides her I am the second relationship he’s been in now he’s dated around or had flings but never wanted to get involved because his ex is crazy and runs everyone off. We’ve known each other since 2006 and when we got together I thought that I would be able to handle this but I guess I didn’t know the extent of their relationship he would go to her house while her husband was at work or I’m at work but he says he’s there to see their daughter and that if he doesn’t go around there he doesn’t know what’s going on I told him I didn’t like the fact that he’s there while her husband’s at work it doesn’t look good I told him I don’t mind you stopping by there when her husband’s there but when you stay there for 2 or 3 hours I’m sitting at home you spend all the holidays with them but I’m not allowed to be around cuz she don’t like me she has no reason not to. His daughter and I we were very close at one time but in the last 6 months to a year it’s all turn for the worse because I found messages on his computer through his iPhone from the two of them meeting up talking horribly about me and her husband, my s.o. going to their house and meeting her upstairs but give her a few minutes because she just gave her kid some melitonin, asking him what she should tell her husband when she leaves the house so they can meet up, and how they were going to bring me down and for her to keep doing what she’s doing and to not lose her cool and that everything will be back to normal to all be a family again(this is just a small portion I’m giving you, so much more but I know I’ll run out of room) and when I confronted him about this he said that she got his Apple ID number and made up all these text messages that none of it was true and I told him everything the dates and times matched up to the times he would not be home or he would have to leave all of a sudden and he says it’s just coincidence that he swears on his daughter that nothing’s going on between the two of them that he just tries to get along with her so he knows what’s going on around their home otherwise he doesn’t know anything but yet I looked at his phone the other day and which I don’t normally look at his phone and he says he never talks to her she won’t text him he don’t text her she don’t respond she don’t call then there’s text of him asking her “how her day is, what she’s up to, who you doing hahaha” so I confront him about this about this and he gets a little upset saying “I have to send her a text once in awhile throughout the day and try to be nice just to see what kind of mood she’s in that way I can go see my daughter since my daughter doesn’t want to come to our house anymore because she’s tired of the back-and-forth she’s tired of the two of them fighting she’s tired of her mom always talking about me and she’s tired of the constant questioning when she goes back to her mom’s it used to be she wouldn’t want to go to her mom’s when she was with us she would beg and cry she didn’t want to go back to her mom’s but my s o would tell her you have to go see your mom you have to yet her mother is not standing up and doing the same for him and making their daughter go with him there’s no co-parenting at all in which he has tried I’ve been around psycho on the phone. The babymama / X has caused so much turmoil between the two of us talking about me on social media yet sending all these flirting text to my boyfriend and when I told her husband about everything that’s going on I’m the bad person I’m the one that’s lying none of this is true or when her husband goes on a hunting trip and I see that my S.O. is at their house at night time he won’t answer his phone and when he finally does answer he’s pissed at me because I show up there wondering what the hell’s going on and I’m the bad guy “answer your phone then” Am I in the wrong? I text the husband to him know what’s going on. He calls her and they get into it because he’s wondering why her ex is at their house at this time and most of the lights are out but my s.o. says he’s there to turn their water on because their water was shut off. Really(it takes that long to turn the water on) for over 2 hours you didn’t tell me that you was going to her house he had told me he was going to a buddy of his. He told me afterwards that she text him to come over to turn the water on. I said to him so why wouldn’t you call me or send me a text and say hey f.y.i she needs me to come turn the water on it shut off because her husband is out of town so I just want you to know that if you happen to drive by and see my truck there that’s why but no he never tells me that never but yet I’m in the wrong for feeling the way I am or am I in the wrong someone please help me am I going crazy???? Another time her husband’s on another trip this was not too long ago and he’s over there again supposedly talking to his daughter because she was being disrespectful to her mother and so he went there to talk with her which I totally get I can understand that it doesn’t mean that I like this situation because I do not trust his ex. I see that my s.o. is over at their house so I text her husband after an 1.5 of calling my s.o. because I’m broke down ( he never answers his phone or text when he’s there and he says its because he don’t want to have to hear her mouth run because it’s constant drama he doesn’t want to hear it from her calling me names because it does no good argue with her because she don’t listen) to tell him to have my s.o. call me because he won’t answer his phone and he tells me that he’s out of town so my s.o. finally calls me he’s screaming at me because I’ve told her husband about all those IM messages and my s.o. told me that she supposedly hacked into his Apple ID and made up all these messages between the 2 of them. Now she’s told her daughter and other kids that I’m breaking up a family and I told all these lies yet I’ve shown her husband all of these messages he wanted to see them so I sent them to him and I’m the bad person now. We’re supposed to be moving to some land to build a house together and now that’s been put on hold because his daughter just wants him and her to move out there and he tells me that’s not what he wants but he has to do what’s best for his daughter and I told him the same thing I just told him I feel like we’re going backwards now and now he says that he don’t even think that his daughter will go out there to the property but if she does that eventually I’ll move out there and we’ll all live together again. Am I being played, am I out of line???? I’m about to lose it I don’t know what to do anymore I am in love with this man he’s talked about marriage being married in less than a year yet he’s off on Fridays and he’ll go in to see his daughter and hang out there at their house while her husband’s at work for 3-4 hours the baby mamas ex has caused so much turmoil between the two of us talking about me on social media yet sending all these flirting text to my boyfriend and when I told her husband about everything that’s going on I’m the bad person I’m the one that’s like none of this is true or when our husband goes on a hunting trip and I see that my s.o. is at their house at night time you won’t answer his phone and when he finally does answer he’s pissed at me because I show up there wondering what the hell’s going on and I’m the bad guy answer your phone then am I in the wrong and so her and her husband get into it because he’s wondering why her ex is at their house of this time and most of the lights are out but he says he’s there to turn their water on because their water was shut off for over 2 hours you didn’t tell me that you was going to her house he had told me he was going to a buddy of his and then she text him and then another time for husbands on another trip this was not too long ago and he’s over there again supposedly talking to his daughter because she was being disrespectful to her mother and so he went there to talk with her which I totally get it I can understand that but when I’m sitting here trying to call you because I’m broke down for an hour and a half and see that you’re over at their house so I called her husband to tell him to have my soo call me because he won’t answer his phone and he tells me that he’s out of town so um is so finally called me he screaming at me because I told her husband about all those I am messages that she supposedly hacked into him is owes Apple ID and made up all these messages and now she’s told her daughter and other kids that I’m breaking up the family and I told all these lies yet I’ve shown her husband all of these messages he wanted to see him so I sent them all to Him and I’m the bad person now supposedly his daughter won’t come to her house because of me so now he’s over there house every evening we’re supposed to be moving to some land to build a house together and now that been put on hold because his daughter just wants him and her to move out there and he tells me that’s not what he wants but he has to do with the best for his daughter and I told him the same thing I just told him I feel like we’re going backwards now and now he says that he don’t even think that his daughter will go out there to the property but if she does that eventually I’ll move out there and we’ll all live together again am I being played in my eye out of line I’m about to lose it I don’t know what to do anymore I’m in love with this man he talked about marriage being married in less than a year yet he’s off on Fridays and he’ll go in to see his daughter and hang out there at their house while her husband’s at work for 3-4 hours while I’m sitting at home. Someone please help me has anyone been in the same situation please be respectful of your comments I’m not trying to bad mouth anyone I’m not I just want everyone to be grown adult I’ve tried to talk to this woman from day one to be adults about it to tell her I’m not doing anything through text I’m not doing anything over the phone we need to talk in person as adults I get it she doesn’t have to like me I don’t have to like her but his parents we have to look out for the kids it’s in the best interest for the kids my ex husband and I coherent great we get along great the kids do awesome we get nothing but comments about how well behaved our kids are and how wonderful it is that to parents that couldn’t work it out between the two of them and had a divorce could still make things work having kids and not have a custody battle because you couldn’t put aside your personal feelings and I told her this I understand tell another field one another woman comes into your ex’s life when you have children together I do because I have felt that and it is a terrible feeling but you learn to communicate with each other. HELP ME???