It Was All Love’s Fault: Understanding The Real Issue

Letting that woman run all over you. Following that man to see where he has been going. Impregnating her or letting him get you pregnant even when they aren’t aware of your intentions. The list goes on and on. Ask that person why they did it and many will utter the phrase “love makes you do crazy things”. I’m sure you have heard it before. It doesn’t matter how stupid or crazy you may feel a person’s action are because many will just lay the blame on love. I guess that makes sense since love is supposed to make you blind and therefore you can’t clearly see what your actions are really about.

Well love didn’t make you do any of the things I mentioned. Love is not responsible for any other “crazy” or possibly misguided things you have seen some people do. The reality is that fear and insecurity were the two main factors in you taking that action. Now this does not mean that I am implying you are not “in love” with that person. This article isn’t trying to question how genuine your “relationship” is. What I am saying is that those specific actions we take that typically have a negative impact on the situation are not born out of love. You don’t let that person run all over you because you love them. You do it because you are afraid you may lose them and what they represent in your life…this can be a problem. If you decide to sneak around and go through their personal things (phone, email, or simply following them) than that is insecurity setting in and you are acting on it. There have been men who have hit women and then say “you know I only hit you because I love you” and unfortunately the woman accepts it. Love is one of the most used cop-outs and honestly this needs to stop.

With so many people playing the “love card” what you now have is love being portrayed as the big bad wolf. This unpleasant and hurtful experience that many just want to steer clear from. Little do many realize that even some of the people who say they want love are like “oh hell no” when it actually comes their way. We have attached so many negative things to it that we have rendered love pointless and damn near evil. Many will embrace lust, excitement, and infatuation much more than they will love. To them love is too risky and they feel much safer emotionally with everything else. Even fear is embraced more than love but it won’t stop people from wrongfully painting their situation or action as one that is driven by love. The more we blame love the more it gets a bad and undeserving rap. If we don’t start placing these actions in their proper category (fear, insecurity, etc) then we will continue to traumatize others who will want no part of this love thing. Love is not what hurt you because it only wants to heal you.

If you don’t recognize an obstacle for what it is then you make it extremely difficult to truly overcome it. If we just blame love instead of accepting that we were just scared when we did what we did, then we won’t be able to properly address the real issue. I know how easy it is to blame love but we have to look deeper for the real answer. It is in our best interest to be more honest with ourselves and others about what is really going on. We are about to enter a new year and for so many it is time for a new approach. Love is a beautiful thing but when we contaminate it with so many negative feelings and actions we hinder its true value and power. Love is the key but we have to stop being afraid to unlock the door.

Side Note: Just a piece of advice I want to share. Never be afraid to lose them more than you are afraid to lose yourself.

Frustrated with your current situation? Trying to figure out what you next move should be? Ready to see positive results in your life? If yes, then contact me today to schedule a coaching session. For more details visit my Life & Relationship Coaching page or email me at contact@stephanspeaks.com