I live in the bay area with all the hustlers, dope dealers, killers, strippers, and go getters. Being an Asian Woman growing up in Oakland is hard. It’s the path I chose and I know what I’ve done and I know what I accepted. I’ve been in a couple of relationships, but they were all puppy love. It was nothing serious, just an experience of what love would be like. Now I’m in this fast life where a woman’s husband comes to me when they are having trouble at home, or just need a “quick fix”. I am with someone at the moment, been with him for almost 2 years now. He does what he has to do to bring money home, and I do what I have to do to bring money home. We both feel like what is love when the bills are due?
I feel like there’s no other man out there for me, and I never had a real chance to just LOVE SOMEONE AND HAVE SOMEONE LOVE ME UNCONDITIONALLY FOR ME. A lot of MEN out there in the BAY AREA. ( I’m not speaking for all, I know there are some good one’s out there hopefully) that always depend on some woman. TRUST ME I TRIED LEAVING THE MAN I’M WITH NOW, I TRIED CLOSING THE DOOR AND LEAVING “THE GAME BEHIND ME” I dated other men but it’s like every man I meet, is ALWAYS PLAYING SOME MIND GAMES! Always has some baby mother at home and try selling me these fake ass dreams just to help him and his family! All these men now a days see women as DOLLAR SIGNS. I feel like a lot of men these days gave up on them self as a person, and just look to depend on any woman. Every guy I meet is some PIMP. There’s a lot of men out here that is telling these woman anything just to have a few dollars in their pocket! There’s a lot of men who got their heart broke and decide to now pimp on females and get money just to go back and show their ex girlfriend they are actually worth something.
The reason why I’m still holding on to mines is because he is all I know. I know there are times we go thru our little ups and downs but what’s the point of leaving the one I know then to go out there and meet another man that’s about bulls**t? The relationship I have with him is no romance, no telling either other I love you, and when I do tell him I love you his response is “THANKS”. No kissing, no hugging, it’s all about the money and feelings always come LAST! When it comes to him being there when stuff is falling apart he will always be there for me no matter what. He never ever put his hands on me, but there are times when he has disrespected me and makes me feel so insecure about my self. I feel like he is not depending on me because he brings his own money in too. My problem is, what is it? Is it just me? Is it the type of men I chose and the type of men I’m in to? Am I the one who is afraid to be loved…………………..???
23 thoughts on “Money Over Love – Real Life, Real Stories”
OMG! Who is this lady? Me? She tells a story very simular to some of my past relationships. It is so crazy out there. I’m so concerned about being PLAYED that I now have the rep of being a player. Not so, I just don’t wanna b anyone’s ATM or side piece that I just keep it moving. And I hate it. I want nothing more than to lay in the arms of the ONE but its so difficult to know whose real and whose not. The mind game thing is the worst, it leaves me apprehensive. I want to be able to put my full and unhampered support behind him (whoever that is) but if he’s playing with my head NOW, what would he do when there’s more at stake? Just Sayin
I’m happy the woman in this story can see there are others who can relate. I will say to you though, don’t let the fear of being played continue to give you reason to operate with a wall up. I understand you want to protect yourself, and yes it can be difficult to see the real from the fake, but you have to still operate in a manner that puts faith first. I think many women do pick up on who isn’t genuine but the fool themselves into believing otherwise only to be burned later. Just be honest with yourself and what you feel, and know that the one person who always knows the real from the fake is GOD.
I truly understand this woman. Nowadays, men ask you what you do when they meet you and when I answer, they always make plans with my money or fantasize about my possibilities before getting to know me. The interesting part is that I don’t ask them about their careers as readily because I am normally I just want to hear that they are employed. So when Ne-Yo came out with Ms. Independent, he should have mentioned that a man brings more than just his three children, two baby mamas and part-time/seasonal paycheck to the table. This is the reality. This is why A LOT of women are SINGLE or SETTLE. I pick the former.
Very true Vanessa, unfortunately as more women settle, more men feel comfortable with this behavior. Men need to step up, but if they can get what they want without having to, then most won’t bother. A standard has to be set, and it’s good to know you are not contributing to lowering that standard.
Very true Vanessa, unfortunately as more women settle, more men feel comfortable with this behavior. Men need to step up, but if they can get what they want without having to, then most won’t bother. A standard has to be set, and it’s good to know you are not contributing to lowering that standard.
They have no feelings towards each other, but yet she says I love you? for what? I’m not trying to judge here but I’m a little confused. Is she dating this man? are they lovers? if not why is she calling him “her man”? Maybe somebody who understood this can answer me because I’m still confused
I believe she says it in hopes of generating some kind of love and affection. They are a couple, but to him only money matters. So they are a couple by title I guess but the love that should exist doesn’t.
At some point tho u have to draw the line on what u will except and what not to because unevenly yokes never work at the end of the day. Sacrificing your integrity and self worth should never be compromised not even for money but hey this generation will sell everything for it and wonder why it doesn’t fullfil the souls desires KEEP LIVING SALUTE!
You are correct, it is just very hard for many people. At times support is needed to help give strength to others to move in the right direction. I think as she reads these comments that will help do that. As you stated though, money is not worth sacrificing our integrity and self worth. Hopefully more people will begin to understand that.
The things women go thru……Ppl just judge us and all we want is understanding. The choices we make in our lives don’t appear to be choices to us. We think like “Im afraid other men may be worse”~tear~. Women have to LEARN to receive the courage that God has for them and say “I can do bad by myself” and “I deserve better” Young Ladies we deserve to be Loved too. Just a thought :-)~smile~
holding women accountable for their actions isn’t judging.
How will a woman ever be able to move on with someone, when they have that person as you say “holding them accountable” for the mess ups/wrong choices in there life?. In my opinon I feel If it’s not life threating to you in your life. Let it go. Everyone makes bad choices and they already know that. By repeating it over to them is not healthy or safe. :-)~smile~
FROM A SPECIAL PERSON: I wanted to share this with everyone, because a special person wanted me to know this. Thats if you dont mind.: One Flaw In Women By the time the Lord made women, he was into his 6 day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said why are you spending so much time on this one. And the Lord answered have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable but not plastic. Have over 200 movable parts. All replacable and able to run on deit coke and leftovers. Have a lap that can hold 4 children at one time. Have a kiss that can cure anything from a scrape knee to a broken heart. and she would do everyting with only 2hands. To Be Continued..
Part2: And she would do everyting with only 2hands. The angel was astounded at the requirements. Only 2hands no way and thats just on the standard model? That to much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish. But I wont the Lord protested. I am so close to finishing this creation. that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick. and can work 18 hr days. The Angel move closer and touch the woman. But you have made her so soft Lord. She is soft the Lord agreed. But I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can indure or accomplish. Will she be able to think? ask the angel. The Lord replied, “Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate.” To Be Continue…
I do understand my relationship isn’t the same but it is what it is dose he love me ya I think so is money more important then me ya some times I think so but he tells me different action speak loader then words . im confused.
Like you said, “actions speak louder than words” so what are his actions telling you?
This is very serious, and something that I have seldom if ever heard articulated in terms of men who actively pursue women to monetarily provide for them and their families (wives, girlfriends, and/or children), even if he has a child or children with the providing woman who he cares less about. Though the situation here doesn’t sound too threatening, it should be noted that these types of men are potentially dangerous, and no one should knowingly remain in that type of situation. It is not farfetched to take on the provider role for the children of your spouse or significant other, but to do so knowing that your relationship is hinging around this more so than love and other intelligible reasons, especially if he’s still involved with the mother of his children that you’re helping to care for, is self-defeating. There’s nothing wrong with being single and mingling until you find or are found by your true Mr. Right.
That is my life story. But i feel my man views me as an atm. He never bought me anything and i buy him everything. I tried to leave him but he always comes back. He said he loves me but doesnt show it to me. I been with him for 4years. It hurts .
He always comes back because you are of benefit to him. If you are indeed his ATM then why would he want to leave you. Especially when he doesn’t do much if anything at all for you. I don’t want to sound harsh but I want you to understand that this is not a man that loves you. He is using you but you have to accept that you have been allowing it to continue. It’s time to address the real issues that keep you from walking away from this unhealthy relationship. Feel free to email me advice@stephanspeaks.com
I also spent 4 years helping a man that did nothing for me. He would say “I love u” all the time but his actions said otherwise. I’m in so much debt now & he told me he didn’t owe me anything. I try to stay positive & focus on moving forward, but it’s hard to not be bitter…he really broke my spirit. I thought that by giving him money/credit cards would show how much I loved him but I believe he saw that as weakness…which he took full advantage of. I’m a much stronger woman now and I will never put up with being mistreated by a man.
Nope. Been there….Don’t want this in my life. NEXT!
Wow. Very interesting. I think fisrt if she wants to be loved unconditionally she should drop the guy She "knows" & any other guy she is dealing with. Move away & start working on ones self. Get away from the bay area, find her another hustle like maybe sign up for school & get her a nine to five. Try something different to help here look & evaluate those things She may have not been taking the time to work out for herself. She said the guy she's been with the longest doesn't show her love, he doesn't physical abuse her but there's the emotional abuse, and he makes feel insecure. That relationship is dysfunctional & unhealthy. A person can't expect easy selling when trying to figure out why there situations keep resembling the same if they don't work out those problems they have with self. In my in my opinion I think she can do a lot better away from the bay area, get herself some therapy, counsel, & begin to love self, do a legal hustle, then show herself available and She may attract Mr. Right.
Until recently I had the same problem. My mother so crassly dubbed me ” A Feeder” I feed egos, minds and wallets. I can laugh at it now but at the time the truth stung something awful. It seemed everywhere I turned some boy was coming to me with a sob story and his hand out. I thought “helping” was caring but I realized that some men really don’t want to do better for themselves and they’d gladly take money from a woman with an education and her own everything and play house with a chick from the projects. Why? Because neither one of them have their standards set very high(finger pointed at self) and the boy is afraid to step up to a level that would accommodate a better life style than hustling to get by. I wish I could say that I’m not jaded but that would be a lie. I’ve got The Great Wall of China up and I’m definitely not interested in anything but getting money. That’s the reality.