Studies have shown anywhere from 55% – 80% (If not more) of women fake orgasms. Yet ask any man on the street and they think they are handing out orgasms like a bag of peanuts on an airplane. That math is not adding up people! As sexual as our society has become we still seem to not have a great grasp on all things sex. This lack of understanding and knowledge leads to a lot of sexually unfulfilling marriages which many times will lead to plenty of infidelity. The reality is that there is so much more to the female orgasm that many have not embraced. We just go off of what our friends tell us, and some of the experiences we have had. That in itself doesn’t always create an accurate perception. So let’s start to take a closer look at the female orgasm. Starting with the fact that you can’t guarantee she had one.
Did you know that at one time (even to this day for some) the female orgasm is believed to be a myth? That’s right and this isn’t just based on some men who had to come up with a way to defend their inability to satisfy their women…or was it? Well some scientist themselves believed that it was a myth. Essentially they said to get out of here with that crap, there is no female orgasm, and all of you ladies are just nuts! (Of course I am very loosely paraphrasing so those were not their exact words). The reality is that there is no physical evidence you can present to prove that a woman has climaxed. Not to get too graphic but for those of you who were under the impression that the white discharge you sometimes see a woman produce is evidence of an orgasm, you are mistaken. That is just a buildup of her natural lubrication (“wetness”) and the friction from sex can provide its white color. So any woman can moan all night, scream your name, and make her body tremble all in the name of making you feel like “King Ding-A-Ling”. She can say she had 5 orgasms and you will have no way of proving her wrong. Truth is what man would even want to prove her wrong. We all like to believe that we laid it down right, so who is really going to question it unless it was a horrible performance (act) on her part. Could you imagine some man jumping up after sex, pointing his finger screaming “YOU LIAR!! You did not just have an orgasm, I did not just satisfy you sexually, and who the hell is this Mike guy you just screamed out!!” Even if a man did do that, could he prove her beyond a reasonable doubt to be a liar? You see men provide hardcore evidence when we climax. Unless you have just run a climax marathon, something is going to seep out of your “tool” that shows the man has indeed reached this point. That just doesn’t happen with women and therefore you will never know 100% that she just had an orgasm.
Ok so what’s the point of me bringing this up? Well I feel the sooner we as men become more open to the realities of sex and female orgasms, the sooner we can improve our approach to the matter. Many men (as well as women) need a wakeup call when it comes to their performance and understanding of sex. Really we all have room for improvement but when we don’t embrace that we make it harder for our women to be able to be open and honest with us about what is really going on. I know of a woman who has faked her orgasm for three years with the same man. She simply does not want to hurt his ego, push him away, or look like something is wrong with her. Now I am not trying to scare the men in to thinking all the orgasms your woman said she had is false, but don’t even focus on that. Just be willing to embrace the fact that maybe there are some areas that need to be addressed. Create an environment where she can feel comfortable admitting if she has faked it or won’t feel the need to fake it moving forward. Allow for constructive criticism to be given in your relationship and please don’t just point the finger at her if she admits to their not being many orgasms (if any at all) between you two (yes she has to accept her role but you are in this together). Take heed of these things and you will not just increase the chances of more orgasms and a better sex life, but more importantly a much better relationship with that woman.
Side Note: Vaginal contractions during sex can be an indicator that she is actually having an orgasm, but once again those can be faked to some extent. Read more on it here by Dr. Sari Locker
42 thoughts on “Faking Orgasms: You Can’t Prove She Had An Orgasm!”
People fake it for a reason and they are the only ones who can give you the answer as to why they do this time after time. A good hearty sit down at an appropriate moment just might do the trick. It’s always good to talk.
Rotf lmbo!! Well it could be a myth…. But its not!. So dont worry, orgasms for women are very real.. Some ppl do not know how to hit that right spot and that is still not enough for some women.. Reading the mind of your woman at that moment and going by her emotions have a LOT to do with it too… Just my little thought for those who really dont know.. We all have to learn some where…lol 🙂
If, as U say the discharge from a woman can’t b from Orgasmic emission and it is from friction. Why is there a creamy discharge when Ur masturbating with no penetration what so ever? And this emission occurs directly after the muscle spasms felt by a woman during climax?
It’s not the discharge itself that is from friction, its the white color that is produced that is from the friction. From the research I have done the discharge is still associated with the natural lubrication a woman produces. Most point to the vaginal contractions/spasms as proof but not all women experience those spasms when having an orgasm and those too can be faked. If you go to the link I provided from Dr. Locker you can see her answer to the question of how to know your woman has actually experienced an orgasm.
Stephan. You mentioned something about the white colour that is produced. Ive had sex with a couple of women and have never seen them producing white substances similar to my sperm. But obviously I know I haven’t reached my orgasms yet. This is maybe my fifth thrust and I I’d see white substance come out of her vegina as I keep thrusting. My question is what is it exactly and what and why is it cuased by?
Based on my knowledge when a woman produces the white substance it is due to the buildup of her natural lubrication (wetness) and the friction occurring from penetration. Without the friction the substance is clear but will turn white when enough friction and buildup occur.
1.) What about the REAL squirters out there?
2.) If a woman doesn’t know her own body well enough to get herself off, then what hope is there for her to achieve the ultimate in sexual pleasure from any man?
I did my research to make sure I answer this question correctly. All my sources stated the same thing. Here is what wiki answers stated “No, a girl “squirting’ doesn’t always mean that she came. Squirting is generally just the lubrication process of moistening the vagina. “Coming” involves the muscles of the vagina and or the area around the clitoris involuntary contracting and squeezing in pleasure.” I will one day do a post on this as well. As for question 2, her knowing herself makes it much easier but it is still possible for her to have that experience before she reaches that point. It just makes it less likely.
Really. Glad google answered your question for you and you now feel you have the knowledge to answer said question.
Many men do not even believe squirting is possible. I can attest to the fact that it is both possible and a result of orgasm.
I nor has this article stated anything about squirting not being possible. I have seen for myself that this is true. What you are overlooking is that not every woman who has an orgasm squirts. There are even cases where a woman squirts but did not have an orgasm. So again this is not a sure fire way to say an orgasm has occurred which is the point the article is making. You can check out the link to Dr. Sari Locker and you can also check the link in the comments section to Sex Therapist Laurie Watson to look into this further. Thank you.
I can say for myself that I am one of these women that squirts but it’s true that just because I squirt all the time, doesn’t mean I have reached an orgasm! Trust me..it is amazing every time I squirt but it is different when I truly have an orgasm
Please describe to me EXACTLY what organ is responsible fro producing the amount of liquid it takes to squirt. I only know of one… and if you do that on my bed, you will only be allowed to sleep outside afterwards.
@AskLaurieWatson:disqus
– great article Stephan. I tell my patients that a fairly reliable sign that she had an orgasm is that her clitoris will be too sensitive to touch immediately post climax. Sure she could fake that too but most women wouldn’t think to… Thanks for the educational piece.
Laurie Watson, AASECT certified sex therapist and licensed couple’s counselor
Thank you Laurie : ) and that is a great additional tip. I’m definitely going to check out your book (https://www.lauriewatson.com)…it looks good.
Now I am not calling myself a pro. But what I can say is that I am always on a mission to ensure that my lady of 23 years gets hers just like I get mines. Its all about communication and really knowing your mate. Trust me when I tell you she is not faking it. I know her body like clock work and have explored every inch of it. Foreplay is a beautiful thing and believe it or not, gets you half way there….I am a mind, body, and spirit guy so in the zone I go for the moment and just make it happen.
Really! Never fake it if u want to be satisfied. Just be open & honest.
I’m new at this sex thing (lost my virginity only a few months ago). I don’t think I’ve ever orgasmed… In fact, I worry that I never will. I don’t think my clit is as sensitive as other women’s… Masturbation does nothing for me, oral sex feels good but that’s just… it. I only enjoy it when he’s deep in me, but never to the point of orgasm. Maybe someday…
It takes a lot of women a very long time before they experience an orgasm. Nothing to panic or get discouraged about. There can be various things at play that has hindered it from happening in your experiences. Just take your time and know that a healthy and secure relationship can contribute to a more pleasurable experience.
This was an interesting article. I think the main point to it is that partners need to communicate about their needs and desires sexually so that both parties will be satisfied and feel good about the relationship. After all, if people can’t talk about the quality of their sex together, maybe they shouldn’t be having it!
“if people can’t talk about the quality of their sex together, maybe they shouldn’t be having it!” I love that statement Janeane and I agree 100%.
Trust me women can have orgasms but they are so hard to create. I've inly successfully had one using an adult toy (vibrator) but no man has ever made my body do that.
Im not the type a guy that boast when it comes to sex but i like to put my all into pleasing my lady so a very good article bro.
Uhhhhhh ok wow !! Women who fake orgasms Must not hAve had them ! They might be different for everyone ? But i know i for one cAnt fake it my entire body gets involved and when it happens my nipples go rock hard instantly i can also have multiple ones took time to figure out how which is what women need time once she has one she will never settle for faking it again and women need to learn how to know there body so they can know why there not having one so the man dont feel alone trying to make it happen! Bottom line its the same for men and women
This is true to an extent a woman who knows her body can actually feel the orgasm coming on before it happens it's the tightening throughout the body that confirms it and an orgasm can actually last for hours depending on the sex
Wow! I am so happy that I'm not alone. I've never orgasmed through intercourse — only other ways. Lots of other ways. Perhaps I should be satisfied with that. 🙂
I know this to be true. I went 8 years without having an orgasm OR squirting – and had consistent sexual activity. At first I was honest – no man could get the job done and I gently broke that news to the them. I had some very prideful, very egotistic men tell me if I allowed them to work their magic, I would finally discover what it was like to come… Nope. Never. It actually took an encounter with a WOMAN for me to finally get off. Since then, I have been with only a couple men (one of whom is now my boyfriend of 2 years) and while I’ve had a few good, legit orgasms, I’ve had to fake 90% of them to not crush his ego. I have also learned how to squirt, none of which were the result of an orgasm. I have learned the art of self pleasure and it’s quite effective.
So true! Thanks for posting this
ORGASM FOR A WOMAN INVOLVES MORE THAN JUST A MAN PUTTIN IT DOWN, OUR ORGASMS ARE USUALLY TIED TO OUR EMOTIONS. THE MORE INTENSE AND EMOTIONAL THE SEX IS, THE GREATER CHANCE THAT WE WILL HAVE ONE.. GOOD SEX IS JUST GOOD SEX AND YES WE WILL MOAN SCRATCH AND GROAN THRU IT.. BUT CLIMAX IS MENTAL/EMOTIONAL
You're definitely not alone.
U are absolutely right. Ifvu know ur body you can feel the orgasm
Get it girl!
let me just shut this down, just had this conversation wit my lil 30 yr old lady, im 46. these studys have bn done 4 yrs. they say 80-90% of women dont have orgasms and i believe it bcuz the GOD didnt make women to b like men. its a womans nature to take care of a man, a comfort, to b selfless n many regards. ive given countless 45-60 min sex sessions and ive also given some 5-10 minutes lol. im saying this to say, when a woman truly feels a man,.loves that man,.she gets off by pleasing him. thats it. thats her sole reason for having sex, most women dont evn really like sex. ive had women squirt, thats not a orgasm, its just something some women,.not many can do, something wit there bladder bcuz what squirts out is urine. for me it is a turn on but definitely not something to make me beat my chest. so fellas just treat women right, nice conversation, nice kisses on the neck and ears. gentle touches and go hard every now n then and ull b fine. dont drive yoself crazy wondering if she came, stop.it. oh and stop asking who is the best. ull b the best when u do like im saying. i should b selling this advice. peace. TMack
You’re so right, Terence. I hate sex. Men are disgusting. Seriously. You all make me vomit. Every sexual encounter I’ve ever had was a terrible chore and I just gritted my teeth and got through it because well, that’s what a woman is meant to do. Please do sell your advice, although, you may want to invest in a proof-reader who can decipher your genius, because it seems to be written in some kind of garble that took me quite a while to translate it, but hey, I’m just a stupid woman who’s here to put your own pleasure before my own, so don’t worry about that!
Most men don't know we have a sexual excitement button at all- until I met my husband – he has his own words for it – I laughed so hard when I saw this clip (there may have been too many stunned silences in public, but I heard myself laugh) I feel bad for some people who don't know that about us!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhRra7Pel0o
He calls it a "knob"- so there, now you have a fun lady part word- hey, my son calls his thing a "peeny"- so there!!
WOW, I knew I wasn't alone….There are very few men that 'get' that intercourse is THE hardest way to have an orgasm….men are really either uninformed or selfish. Rare is the man that wants to take the time to please his woman BEFORE he gets to please himself. Hate to say it but black men are the worst in this area. They think it is all about their 'so-called' big D__K! Like we're suppose be turned on by just jumping IN,,,,,,also few men even touch your skin and use their hands to feel you all over. LOL……..just the perfect time to vent.
It's emotions for me, I have just got tired if sex. Just can't get pleased. I have gone 2 years with sex, no one pleases me rifht
Great Article! Women including myself tend to claim we know our bodies which is somewhat true but I know our bodies are a Mystery within itself. Hopefully one day I will have a King to solve the Mystery to my body but until then it will remain a unsolved Mystery.
Vaginal contractions are faked all the time, so men, don't rely on that as an indicator .
And of course you’re speaking for climax during intercourse. Because externally it happens EVERY time 🙂
Female ejaculation (eg gushing / squirting) – not a myth – it does happen and it is the only surefire way to know that your woman is not faking it – but many women do not ejaculate and believe it or not many woman do not orgasm (and some don't even know they haven't until it happens for the first time)
Any woman who has ever faked an orgasm even once in her life, has lost her sexual integrity forever and can never get it back.