So you meet this guy. The first impression is good and you two exchange numbers. You have a conversation, maybe two, maybe several and nothing seems to be wrong. Then all of a sudden he stopped calling and you’re not hearing from him at all. Maybe it’s been a day, or days, or even weeks. Bottom line is the conversation has stopped and you don’t know what the hell is going on. Is he secretly married? Is he just a player with too many women to keep up with? Did you do something wrong and don’t know it? Maybe his dog ate his phone? The possibilities are endless, and in your pursuit to figure out why he stopped calling, you explore all of them. It is driving you crazy and you start to really question your luck with relationships and men. WHY THE HELL HASN’T HE CALLED!!! Is what you want to scream out but it definitely isn’t what you need to do.
Just go and ask him. That’s right, it can be that simple. I did a speaking engagement over the weekend at the wonderful Bellissima Studios in Atlanta, GA. One of the ladies in the audience posed this question and raised her concerns about how to handle this situation. When I answered by saying “just ask him” her reply was “is it really ok to do that”…YES! Understand ladies that if you ask a valid question properly, calmly, and in a positive manner then there should be no issue. If a man takes issue with it then it is likely he just isn’t into you like that. No man cares to be questioned by some woman he is just trying to get some ass from. Even with that in mind, a positive approach will likely get you an answer (doesn’t mean you will like the answer). If you attack him with your questioning of why he stopped calling, or give off negative energy, then yes you may receive a lot of resistance or flat-out dismissal regardless of if he really liked you or not. The point is why drive yourself insane wondering what may be the issue when you can just put yourself out of your misery. Sometimes it can be something so simple yet you allow your fear and doubt to insert all types of negative scenarios in your head. It isn’t worth to play the guessing game and it is simply a waste of your time. Just ask him why he stopped calling.
On the flip side let’s say you reach out to him (or not) and you never hear back from him. Yeah I know that sucks but you just have to let it go. We can sit here and speculate all the reasons why he stopped calling but one fact will remain…he is no longer calling you. Don’t go beating yourself up because you were really hoping this one would work out. It may make no sense to you why the conversation stopped and yes we would all love to have a better understanding of why things go wrong. The reality is sometimes we may never get that explanation and we should not dwell in trying to figure out within our own perception of things. You chalk it up as their loss and for all you know, the fact that he stopped calling could be a blessing in disguise. That man could have eventually turned out to be the worst thing that would have happened to you. You have just dodged a huge bullet and that is a good thing. For those that say “well it also could have been a great guy I missed out on”. If he was really the guy for you, and ready to be that guy, then there is no way he would have disappeared like that.
Stop trying to calculate your moves and hold back how you genuinely feel about a situation. It isn’t what you say, it is how you say it. As a woman your mind can be your own worst enemy. Many women are constantly analyzing situations but you would be better served just facing the situation head on. A man who is genuinely interested in you would appreciate that approach. He would want you to come to him instead of staying mad and quiet. That doesn’t help him any and it damn sure isn’t helping you. So if he stopped calling, and you don’t know why…just go ask him. If he won’t answer you or gives you a bulls**t response then the real question becomes should you even be entertaining this man anymore. If he doesn’t respond at all well now you can definitely move on and not waste the next few weeks holding on to a dead situation. Sitting back in doubt, confusion, and misery isn’t going to produce anything positive. Taking a positive and more direct approach will make things a lot clearer.
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42 thoughts on “He Stopped Calling”
I don’t know why we as women at one time or another struggled with this. Women feel a need for closure. But as stated in the article it still doesn’t change the fact that he’s gone. We can investigate or inquire why men do this but will it change things? Its a waste of time to go over the hill and around the bend when we’re just going to end up back at the same point. I’ve had to learn the hard way to ‘chalk it up to a loss’ on HIS part. When a man is really into you, you won’t have time to even question will he call, will I see him again?
We really are from different planets, or speak different languages. We’re just different. I’m finding men to be extremely simple(not to be offensive) or less complex as I originally thought.
Love this!! This gives me Faith. :))
I’ve been a offender of this, and I’ve found out that asking isn’t all that bad. Thanks for sharing!!
Good article.
Good article…very logical and very true. Women do have a tendency to over think things when most times the answer is just what you said…”just ask him!”
Great article & completely true!
Ladies…raise your daughters to not accept being treated this way, and your sons to always tell the truth and be upfront, “Hey Jane, you’re nice, but I’m not feeling it. No offense, but I can’t spend time on someone when it’s not right for me. Best of luck.” It says clearly he’s not interested. People are far too often allowed to lie to the people they are dating, and the lies are condoned by anyone who sees it and says nothing.
We have the power to raise our children into the type of men and women we would be proud to know.
This is true. And I would also like to add that when it is revealed to our daughters, sisters, friends, etc. that he isn’t feelin’ it, let us/them not feel that we are the exception and we can change him or that he will change for us. It ain’t gonna happen!
Stephan, this is a GREAT blog..a real eye-opener. I’m definitely one of those analyzers who would sit there & break apart the whole thing, instead of just tackling it head on. This post really does give me motivation to just tackling them head on & K.I.S.S.-ing it..Keep It Super Simple.
I agree with this article… Ladies just ask! If he doesn’t answer then you have your answer…plain and simple like a cold cut turkey sandwich!
As a woman I’ve had this happen to me a few times, not receiving a call from a man I liked, feeling we had a connection. I agonized over why and became bitter about it. When the shoe was on the other foot, I told the guy I wasn’t interested in pursuing a friendship (via voicemail). We had previously agreed that if we weren’t interested in each other after meeting we would say so. I honestly didn’t find him attractive and felt he misrepresented himself. I know that sounds cold but I wasn’t going mislead someone who I wasn’t attracted to. My main point is, a man would’ve never done that. And no, didn’t tell him he was ugly but that I wasn’t interested in moving forward but I’m sure he put 2 and 2 together.
Hello, it’s only normal to question yourself, it’s called humility! You naturally blame yourself and hope to improve after rejection! If everyone humble themselves,instead of being egotistical jerks, what a wonderful world ir would be,
I agree, it is normal to question ourselves. Self reflection is a good thing but sometimes a person may dwell in the issue in a way that has a very negative impact on them. Looking for ways to improve ourselves is great, but we have to be careful not to put to much weight into one situation like this.
Absolutely! We need to change that, but being human this is a natural reaction for some of us. Some people are too prideful to suspect they could be the issue, people don’t know they meed to correct themselves. Or people are so calm and colected, they are able to move one, well.
It’s crazy how men claim to be simple but they do so many stupid and unexplainable things. There is a super abundance of books and articles to read on how to understand such a “simple” creature, and it is extremely unfair that women have to do so much to be with one, then when he goes Stupid they just have to grin, bear, and accept it. You will almost never find men trying to understand women, they only call them crazy because they don’t care enough to understand anyone who by nature is wired differently from them, which women are.
I don’t know- I think women are getting smarter all the time, due to articles like this one, and other sites, such as Baggage Reclaim and Hooking up Smart.. The day is coming soon when asshat men are going to find themselves totally alone, no free cookies from women, and will have to shape up. Not saying there aren’t asshat women too, but I have personally observed way more men being dishonest to get what they want and not being honest about what they don’t want. They can only do this to us if we play along. Me not going to!
I hope we are getting smarter. After seeing so many women now doing the things for men that if anything, the men should be doing for them; and after seeing so many women settle for sharing men just not to be alone, or with some wild fantasy that he will wake up one morning and drop everyone but her, I long to see the day we ALL wise up. As long as there are no consequences to suffer for doing wrong, and as long as there is always someone out there who will put up with the bs, bad behavior will never change. I salute the women who woke up to this and the ones who were not sleeping on it in the first place.
I still don’t get the retarded behavior of some men- they act like they are about to die if they can’t get to know you. Then you spend so much time answering their numerous questions, all goes well, and suddenly they vanish- no call, no text, no nothing. When you ask them about it, “they’ve just been busy” but you know that wasn’t the case. That lame cop-out is all I need to hear for me to keep it movin’, but why did we even have to go through all of that? Sometimes after weeks or months pass, they’ll have the nerve to try to contact you. Whether I still know who it is or not (because I deleted his number), if I respond, I will ask, “Who is this?”. If they wanna act like a trick, I will regard them as one.
That did not help me understand any better. It just blames the woman for naturally wondering what's going on or for her tone.
What he is saying Sista to get an a Understanding of the situation don't guess…… Ask! Ask what you want to know but come to someone like you would want them to come to you :)!!!!!
I just did this the other day. The guy wasn’t totally straight forward with me, but I could read between the lines. If you’re not man enough to say you’re not into me, you were never man enough to date me!
Lesson learned! 😉
I can appreciate the wisdom from a man’s point of view in the matter of “why has he stop calling”. I recently experienced this issue and felt to cool to question him. So like you mentioned if we just simply ask nicely you should get an answer that will assure you in what to do next. In my case he told me he had been busy and I believe him because I have no other choice at this time. Men are not like women, they’re more of a chest player when it comes to dating or real life issues. They will make a move to see if your interested in playing and then make a couple of more moves to get to know you. If they intend on pursuing something further with you they’ll need time to put their affairs in order before executing their strategy in winning your love. And on the other hand if he’s just playing you off your spirit will tell you just what he is doing and by all means at that point it’s time to go the other way!. Your valuable and only needs to give your energy to those who cherish you. If he’s really interested he will go out of his way for you to notice that he is. Real men know what they want and have no problem in showing you just that!
Simple: He's just not that into you.
Tonya Smith- Hamilton What if he doesn't answer at all? Then, I blow up his messenger. Call me Crazy? or Should I just do what? He did reply back that he wanted me to quit talking about the same thing over again. So, I did quit but I still have these feelings, concerns, worries.
why should we even be having to waste our time, fixating ourselves in someone that obviously is choosing the chicken way out, if he is really a man worth of me then he will call me want me etc, i dont have to beg or do anything for it to work out… I rather go back to basics and let the man lead and obviously if he is not a leader while being in a relationship chances are that he is not husband material
Kary Diaz, i agree
Very helpful, thank you girl. :)) I'll take your advice. He isn't chasing me or trying to talk to me at all. I know what to do now even if my heart wants him I won't budge. Moving on and letting go.
Tatyana Sturdy I promise you won't die or cry blood… So, suck it up and move on… I'm going thru that right now with who I consider a great guy but he does not seem to get his shit together so I stopped talking to him, let him know why and you know what? I'm greater!! so he needs to make it work not me… If it does not happen then I'm making space for the "one" in the meantime doing me, myself and I 😉
Wouldn't even bother to waste my breath to ask him, kmt, moving right along, one less stress, he wouldn't make a difference in my life anyhow
lol I know I won't but I know pain and I know peace once it's over. Perfect attitude. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! Does take two to make a relationship. I understand you. :)) Good luck girl, you deserve the best!!
If we were close; I would find out; call me crazy I don't care. You don't just get to dismiss me. Now if it was somebody I just met and we talk a couple time and went out and there was no connection at all then my attitude is NEXT.
So I'm dating (not exclusive) this guy and we had an argument because he thought I was on a date. A few days prior he was MIA and I said nothing to him about it but he felt the need to text me "on a date?" when I was unable to reply promptly to his text. So I said well when we are in a committed relationship that will be your concern however until that time comes it isn't your place to ask I would never say something like that to you making accusations. So he sends me a text that says go on a few more dates and call me when you realize there is nothing better than me out there, then had the nerve 2 hours later to text me again that I could call him and be safe in the mean time. I said ok…..UMMM Guess what…I still haven't called. I just don't date that much, he will be waiting a very long time for my call.
Screw that, I guess when hell freezes over his phone will ring….;)
Women are so stupid. They will never figure out the way out of the misery they create for themselves.
If he stops calling we already know why.
I had this happen recently and while I think your advice is great, honestly I don’t want to hear him say he’s no longer interested or he’s just too busy right now. At 36 I know myself well enough and I’m extremely sensitive to rejection. So, if his actions are telling me he changed his mind or he’s focused on other things (like career and personal growth), than I’m going to let it go. I just feel like if I reach out and ask him why he stopped texting and calling, that will send the message that I’m in pursuit of him instead of him being the initiator, which is the way we started out. Learning to truly value my worth!
How about.
……we don't have to talk every day….I am a very busy man….."has anyone been sleeping on my side of the bed"? This man claims to work all the time, lifts me up most of the time when we talk then goes 3-4 with no conversation. Sees nothing wrong with that
Don't waste time asking him. If he doesn't respect you enough to consider your feelings then, he'll probably lie anyway.
How about he realized that you’re a drama queen? And doesn’t want the immature high school behavior. Many women are emotionally stuck on that level.
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it is all about our self-love and self-esteem really. such websites like beluckyinlove.net do a VERY GOOD JOB on this issue.
I agree that when you invest into someone (even if it is only 2-3 dates) and they disappear – it hurts and it feels uncomfortable.