So I asked on my twitter for people to submit questions they would like for me to answer. Thanks to one of my followers I have today’s topic: Why Men Cheat. So let me start off with my opinion on a why men cheat. I’m sure many women just want to jump in at this moment and say men cheat because “they are dogs” “they are evil” “they are disgusting pigs” or “they are never satisfied”. Though some of this may be true (sorry guys), it really doesn’t give the correct answer. So here are a few reasons that I believe a man makes the choice to step out.
1. He was never ready for a relationship in the first place
Women unfortunately will have to learn to understand that men have a desire to “get around”. Not all men, but clearly a large amount. It’s about ego, pride, and plain sexual desire. I’m not condoning this behavior but this is what it boils down to. Society has made kings out of promiscuous men, and suckers out of those who keep it in their pants, or hands for that matter. So naturally a man who has yet to get pass this poor perception on things, will feel the need to be “loose” regardless of a relationship.
2. He never took the relationship serious, you’re there only for his convenience
The harsh reality is that a lot of relationships that a man has chosen to be in aren’t because he loves the women, or understand what his role is in that woman’s life. It’s because he wants some consistent booty and whatever other benefits you may provide. So a woman asks, then why get in a relationship? Because most men view a relationship as a means to get what they want from you, and in no way are they truly committed to giving you what you really need. Hell they don’t even know what you need, but who cares if the sex is good and he gets free food or whatever. So with that said, cheating isn’t viewed as an issue, just an extension of him getting what he wants
3. You’re not really all he needs you to be
Yes women, believe it or not you fall short on what that man truly desires. I’m not blaming you, and I’m not saying that this fact makes it ok. What I am saying is that, women love to think and say “I gave him everything”and that simply is not usually the case. Also, understand that you may have given him everything YOU thought was sufficient, but did you really find out and care to implement what HE feels he needs from you. When you deprive a man of certain things, there are women out there who pick up on that (co-workers, friends, etc); and with their desire to get a man, or simply get YOUR man, will then highlight your shortcomings and proclaim them as their strengths. This then opens the door to the possibility of cheating. I have seen men cheat, then turn around and say “I wish I could just get that from my girl and not feel the need to get it elsewhere”. You may not want to hear that, but it’s true.
Now I just gave you something to think about as far some of the reasons why men cheat. We can get a lot more into this but let’s hear what you have to say about why men cheat. Feel free to comment and leave feedback. Next up is Part 2: Why women cheat.
74 thoughts on “Why Men Cheat”
So.. if men are “built” to cheat, what can you do to be that complete woman or recognize when a men is one that needs to be out with many women to fulfill that desire.
I don’t wan’t to say we are “built” to cheat but one of the things you can do to be a complete woman is taking the time to really find out what that man needs and desires from you and tap into that.
So, what happens when you know what your partener desires and wants and you try your best and he still goes and cheats? And he tells you, am sorry am trying, I don’t want to lose you, baby your the one I want and I love you,They don’t mean nothing to me. What is wrong with this scenario besides the girl not doing some about it.. So this man can stop hurting her cus is obvious he don’t want to change
In my opinion, when that person isn’t the “one” for you, then it doesn’t matter what they do, it will never be enough. The connection needed isn’t there. He can only continue to hurt her as much as she allows. Words are nothing without actions to back them up. If those women mean nothing to him then why value them enough to risk his current relationship. He can say “I Love You” a million times, but if he isn’t prepared to take the necessary actions then that woman should accept that it is time to walk away (could be temporary, might be permanent, I encourage that part to be determined by GOD).
I know men who cheated because they felt their sexual needs weren’t met at home. So they looked for it elsewhere. Or their women were always moody, didn’t show them affection or communication was lacking in the relationship. I’m not saying that gave them permission to cheat. But sometimes I watch couples and as an outsider can see why some men will look elsewhere for love etc. I think that if a woman can’t see the signs that her man is unhappy, there’s trouble ahead. It’s about the couple sitting down and talking about what’s wrong in their relationship and finding ways to fix it. Sometimes communication one of the biggest problems.
I absolutely agree. Many times the woman can see the man isn’t happy but she is either consumed by her own unhappiness or in plain denial about his. Communication is usually the key and most people do not properly use it.
I think that some men that cheat where too busy trying to get wit someone new they weren’t focused on their current girl to bring the freakiness out of her so she may have not been open towards him. Men and woman need to communicate when their needs aren’t met.
Yeah some guys don’t want to have to put in the necessary work for their girl to open up sexually to them. Also some of them have tried (at least in their minds they have) and they have reached a point that they are fed up with it. As you stated proper communication would help immensely with this issue.
To me you can get any woman to become a freak if you connect with her. She can hate sex but if you know what your doing she can go from hating sex, to you not be able to keep her off you. You just need to be patient and be willing to teach
If God truly designed men to have two or more women at the same time why did he only create Eve for Adam? Why didn’t He create Eve and Mary out of two of Adam’s ribs? Or, even present him with a whole harem of sister wives? This whole so-called “scientific” man-made excuse that males can’t help but commit adultery because it’s in their genes(God created us this way). This is just like saying, “God created me to sin against Him by committing adultery. ” So, it’s ok in His sight if I break His commandments but, on the other hand, you better not! People, get real! And, get real honest with yourselves! This is not about making up any excuses about why you do the things you do in some ridiculous scientific way. It’s about crucifying the sin nature on our daily cross—male and female adulterers(sinners)!!!
Therefore, I don’t believe God ever created, built, designed, or hard-wired males to cheat!!! That is completely ludicrous! If that was His intention He wouldn’t have “built” and presented only Eve to Adam as his helper. “And the two shall become as one flesh.” That is God’s written Word and admonishment to all of mankind.
You and I are so in sync on so many things. Once again, everything you said here are things I’ve said in conversations with my girls. What you are not willing to provide, someone else will. That is simply the reality…and it works both ways.
Glad to see we are on the same page : )
This has nothing to do with needs.. If men can pursue it elsewhere they should be able to tell their woman what they need OR end the relationship..
To me all men are close to james Bond. Do good men really exist? Only 1% I guess.
lol plenty of good men exist. It just takes some time for some of them to evolve into the man they need to be
Don’t forget about the good brothas that get overlooked for various reasons. 90% of the women are competing for the top 5% of the men.
Maaaaaaan! Everything u just said is the same reasons women cheat. All that u said is true…BUT…its not just men its HUMAN NATURE. I see it all the time, women get wit men for convenience, a.k.a. Get some convenient penis and not feel like a whore about it. Men lie. Women lie. Men cheat. Women cheat. And when we cheat we get the same thrills and maybe feel the same regrets. So stop that with the why men cheat BS.
I agree with you Mr. Dub and I’m not just saying men cheat. I wrote a whole different post on women too (i just noticed the link was broken), and true there will always be things you can say about one side that apply to the other side as well. So trust me I’m not just putting it on Men, but I like to address one gender at a time. Men have to evaluate the things we do, and Women have to evaluate the things that they do.
This makes me sad and want to cry because it seems that there is no hope for a true relationship or possibility of one… I’ll be single forever because I don’t want to have to just settle or deal with this… Sad but so true!! Thanks for this, it just confirmed my own feelings…
Don’t allow this to make you sad, allow it to make you more aware. When we can understand why these things happen we can then make better decisions to avoid it. There is plenty of hope for a true relationship, we as people just need to stop trying to force one with the wrong person. If you truly desire a relationship and you do what is needed to make that happen then trust you will find it and you won’t have to settle.
I have come to this same conclusion but it makes so much sense when you say it, maybe because you have the degree…lol. I get it I hope the rest will too.
Women would rather be sad and lonely than to submit and give their current man what he wants and possibly deserves… If you’ve given up on a monogamous relationship, I’ve given up on understanding a woman’s logic.
People just can’t be Cowards when it comes to expressing their feelings. Some men /women can talk about everything to anyone, but when it comes down to being honest with someone who gets that intimate time- break out into shy mode. <-Thats when room for growth gets suffocated.
I dont know if its giving up on a monogamous relationship, but it does sound like giving up on the fact that there Are men out here that know how to be straight-forward & communicate well..how to go abt things Afterwards will reveal itself. ………………I say, from my own experience– take your time. Meet people and give yourself time to Get To Know Them. If it doesn't work with one person, I always say they've prepared me even more for my husband 🙂 …..who I will Patiently wait for while i continue to work. You'll Know when you meet the Right person…it seems like you can do, say and feel anything together and then you continue to grow…with them 🙂 God bless. Take Your Time. Peace.
Duh, duh, and DUH! But then again, every woman doesn’t know these things, so a book like this does help.
Lol I’m glad you added that last part, and thank you.
that sounds like woman i knew to me.
of course there will always be some women you can apply these reasons to, the same way that there will be some men you can apply to them some of the reasons I stated for women.
I must say that those are some great reasons.
I will say that people cheat because of the lack of self control.
The lack of thinking of the consequences before hand.
Relationships, faithfulness, and love all come with time and experiences. When we know better, we do better, at least I did.
I agree with you, but even those that know better find themselves walking down this path for various reasons. Especially when we feel unhappy and unfulfilled in our relationships.
not true. by saying there are consequences you presume you will be punishing the man. Leaving him is not a punishment for him. He can have self control, and he can think these aforementioned consequences through to the end. That doesn’t mean he won’t cheat, you could just be missing vital parts of what it takes to fulfill him, He WANTS to leave if he cheats in most cases. He’s just doesn’t have a actual reason to.
Don’t forget… If she is not the same woman she was when he married her (or a little bit better), she can pretty much expect to get cheated on.
It’s all about upgrades. Nobody changes vehicles, addresses, cell phones, et cetera, without knowing the new one will have more, do more, and be prettier.
Long story short; keep him feeling needed, keep yourself up, keep him too tired to run around.
It’s tha Real Mook Scoop!…First of all let me thank-you for your talent,in knowing and being able to relay that to the masses. My view is this, For many years men have been tha all to easy answer to infidelity. The lust is shared by both men & women, Short comings are shown on again both sides, So what are we left with?…Trust? Trust can be false even when looking in the eye of one another. I believe its RESPECT!. Having respect for not just your significant other,but for yourselves can give you tha joy witch other only wish they could have. The same respect you have for your mom,dad,sister,brother….but more important God!..for understood to such a degree,that he made it a sin…So to cross your wife,husband,lover,or friend to whom you share your life with is bad enough,..But now you have to answer to him. (SMH) was it worth it?
Why cheat? A grownup would sit their other half down an let them know in what area their falling short. Then if he or she doesnt fix it, LEAVE. Why stay if things arent what you want… So lame if you ask me..
A truly mature individual would do just that, but unfortunately most do not take that route for so many different reasons.
I have read all of these comments, the issue here is communication, we forget that while you are single is the time to choose your mate selectively, there’s no cheating when your single or vows taken, now when your married that’s something different, you have mad a vow in front of friends and family but most importantly in front of God to honor and obey. We expect too much out of courtship, then get married and are burnt out.
Wow is all I can say…I still only trust God in this cheating matter.
Trust him to help you not cheat? or trust him to help ensure your partner does not cheat?
I strongly agree with your comment under “He was never ready for a relationship in the first place”. Some men, doesn’t matter the age, just are not ready and will not be ready as long as women continue to allow them do what ever they desire. They do not have a true relationship with God and they also know that they can move on to the next woman without any recourse. This is a sad day and time for relationships, but I still have the faith and will patiently wait on my Boaz!!
But Still I think a man should love his girl the way she is or we wouldn’t call it love from the first place, people are different, and no one is perfect, he might get satisfied from the other girl but I’m sure there will be variety of things that he likes in his girl will be missing in the other one. A strong bond between 2 shouldn’t be breached or replaced by anyone.
True nobody is perfect. There will always be something that each individual may lack. It all boils down to is there a genuine connection there. If there isn’t, the what a person lacks is magnified and regardless of what people will claim is love, they will find themselves trying to fill that void with other people. Regardless both sides have to be prepared to fulfill the needs of the other, if not then why even be in that relationship.
Why do u refer to men as men but to women as girls? Where is the respect for both genders? It isn’t cute or sexy when someone refers to a full grown woman as a “girl”!!!
This is deep, had good points
D important thing iz 2hv a man who hs a sincere fear of GOD. If we women r willin 2pay d price by servin Him in all sincerity, He’ll bring d right man who’ll let u knw wen ur nt meetin up wt his demands n aswell help u to satisfy him better. All ds knowledge abt wat mks men cheat would b futile if d man doesn’t c anything wrong wit cheatin. Dats jus wat I believ n it has worked 4 me for over 7 yrs nw
Your dialect is not cute at all. Prepare to be cheated on due to a failure to connect on a mental level.
I find it disheartening to believe that men are still more concerned with chasing tail than finding a good woman and building a good life with them. However what really saddens me is the deceit. They all want to pretend that’s what they want when they know that it’s far from the truth. I wish men could just be a Man about it and say, “I just want some A$$! Are you with it or what?” Let me decide if that’s the type of relationship I’m looking for. In the end everyone would be much happier and satisfied.
I find it disheartening to believe that men are still more concerned with chasing tail than finding a good woman and building a good life with them. However what really saddens me is the deceit. They all want to pretend that’s what they want when they know that it’s far from the truth. I wish men could just be a Man about it and say, “I just want some A$$! Are you with it or what?” Let me decide if that’s the type of relationship I’m looking for. In the end everyone would be much happier and satisfied.
The 3 examples you gave were so true. It’s pathetic at the same time. I can honestly say those are the main reasons why my husband cheated on me which caused our marriage to go down hill
As men do unto me, i will do the same in return. 🙂
Lol don’t be like that. You’re supposed to say you will do unto them as you would want them to do to you : ).
So are these “men” that are being spoken of saying that they will do unto others as they would have others do unto them? Or, are they essentially saying they’ll just continue to do as they please? Oh, and of course, they are most definitely saying, “My girl better do as I say and not as I do.”
What ever the so called “reasons” There really is NO Excuse for Cheating and anyone who does cheat, male or female, is just plain selfish, dishonest and disrepectful of self and others. The sad part is that If all the man wants is sex, then stay single and leave the women who really want a true and lasting relationship alone. Don’t be dishonest & lead her on, tell her exactly what you want and or expect and leave the decision up to her to continue or not . . . But men know doggone well that most women not about to put up with no mess like that. . So they resort to lying . . . How pathetic!!!
Men cheat because we dont have very good self control. We’re curious and then we act on it. It takes us a while to grow up from that. Some men dont get there until their 30s. Thats another reason to stop getting married so early. Women want to get married and have kids by a certain age but the pool of mature men to pick from arent there. Its a sad reality. Who is responsible for this?
I could go into a billion reasons myself but I can only speak for myself and my experiences as a man. 1. I never had a father figure. 2. My mother raised me to be a sweet sensitive cater to u type of guy. Throughout my youth while I thought I was being what women wanted me to be I constantly ended up getting cheated on, played, and abused by women. Nice guys aparantly finish last. So I decides to switch up the game. I’m an attractive guy an I kno it. So getting women is easy. The struggle was finding and keeping good ones. By being dogged so much by women I no longer want that. Now I enjoy fucking as many as I can no strings no feelings. Nothing to do with ego or pride I feel. But because I was once felt like a weak victim I choose now to be the strong victor.
Excuse the typos lol
I feel this. At 29, I have just now found the man I am going to marry. Well, that’s not true. I found him 4 years ago. And now, he has found me. Throughout my youthful twenties, I scrounged for a good man. I let go of every man at the first red flag. I always regretted doing so when i saw the way he would treat the next girl that cane along.I don’t know what it was about my fiancée that I couldn’t let go, but I’m glad I held on. When we met, he was 27 and I was 25. We both “said” we were looking for a long-term relationship, but as it turns out, only I really was. Within a month of moving in together, he cheated with a much younger female. I don’t use the term “woman” lightly, so I will refrain from doing so in this case. When I confronted him about the cheating, he appeared regretful, but gave me so many excuses. What it all boiled down to was, he just wasn’t ready. After some time apart, e tried to work things out. Needless to say, he cheated again, with the same female. This time, neither of them were disrupting a happy home. My lack of trust led to constant arguing, which led to him not taking the relationship seriously. We split up again, but as history repeats itself, we got back together. Again, he cheated… with the same female! This time I had to be real with myself. I asked him what she was doing that I wasn’t. He told me. It hurt, we split up, we got back together… You know how the story goes. I was doing my best to be the girlfriend he wanted, but hadn’t fully forgiven him for the past. When I lost a desire to be intimate with him, I left again. Months later, he saw me. He saw how hard I tried for him, how much I loved him, how down I was for him, and he missed that. For once, I was giving him what other women weren’t. I respected him as a man and forgave him his wrongdoings. That was when the man who said he would never get married finally proposed to me. I don’t suggest every female take the same route I did, but at least learn from my mistakes. Men want to be honest with us, but we don’t give them the chance. Instead of hearing what they say, we judge them. If you want a man to love you, you have to love HIM. Who he really is, not who he could be or who you want him to be or even the female-friendly version of himself that he paints. Ask him for his truths. And then listen.
This sounds interesting, but this is examples for Single People, not married people. Most married Men Cheat because their woman drives them CRAZY! I am being funny and serious at the same time.
These can apply to married people as well but I guess we can add “She Drives Him Crazy” as a fourth reason lol.
Ok from experience… What you have said is true.. I think that one piece is missing: just because. Woman is good with your kids and your family simply adores her, don’t allow the relationship to continue if you know you’re not going to be faithful. Sure your sideline is just that a sideline… But that sideline and your constant want, not need, for attention from her continues to drive a wedge in your relationship. A person can only take so much before they come to a breaking point. Be mindful of others and start thinking with the brain in your cranium and not the in your pants.
Last reason is so true!! That one usually hurts the most because it happens more in long term relationships or marriages.
Bottom line is men who cheat are men who are not secure enough within themselves to say what they need. And quite frankly are the ones not measuring up..
Wow!
It sucks but the reality is you hv to take good with bad because no one is perfect and neirther is any relationship. Its just up to you if you love em enough to endure their shortcomings. I snore and Im sure if my Husband had it his way I wouldnt. But does my snoring hv to overul my other good qualities?
I just read why men cheat. Umm stop it. If a man really cared for you they would not do you in such a nasty way. Ladies don’t be afraid to listen to your feelings open your eyes you feel a fake when you feel one. Stop allowing your self to be used. Some love is not better then no love at all.
Sorry to say men of today are very selfish, not very God fearing and just want to use women for what they have because they claim (some men) “the world or someone has short changed them”. Women when this happens to us it eats away at us and I don’t know how many times you have to bite into me until I say stop that hurts. Get your information up front. Think with head and not your heart. Place the game aside he is running and when your heart says run it will only be fun for a minute Run!!!!!!
I think men like the flirting which moves to cheating because of the attention they get from other women. I feel like Brooke there is no hope for a forever future with someone for the rest of your life. I've been divorced twice and not sure if I can handle a third relationship because the last two broke my confidence in marriage.
Its all lack of self esteem an respect for others!! I've cheated an been cheated on …it very selfish and unnecessary to do to some if your no satisfied then bounce I mean why hold them up !!
I agree w/ these reasons as men (and women) cheat for a variety of personal reasons. Although I believe if one is contemplating cheating, for whatever reason, respect themselves and their partner enough to end the relationship before it occurs. IF, and only IF, this CHOICE is iron clad and all other avenues to address the underlying issues can not be resolved. Once the line has been crossed, betrayal occurs, trust is forever broken (even if the hard work of reconciling a relationship after an affair and there is a willingness to forgive, letting go FOREVER is almost, if not nearly impossible). It will be be in the subconscious in most individuals, w/ a VERY RARE few exceptions..the People who live on a TRUE PATH OF SPIRITUALITY.
***SO I COME TO THE CHEATERS: I find there are TOO MANY DYNAMICS TO CRUNCH “WHY PEOPLE CHEAT” into 3 reasons (understanding this is blog and respect that). I resonate best with Reason #3 w/ a slight variation. It is the responsibility of BOTH partners in a relationship to create an atmosphere of TRUE LOVE & TRUST. When this is not established, it becomes a downward cycle of mistrust, lack of communication, ultimatums, demands, insecurity, and dis-empowerment. The list could go on and on, but I think you get the point…all of which creates an UNHEALTHY Intimate Relationship.
I’ll try to provide an example: A couple had a strong relationship, communicate. love each other, everything going great. The woman is a stay at home Mom, works hard, yet feels the Man isn’t home enough, for whatever reason. Her needs are NOT being met. This is her perspective. Rightly so. NOW the Man, He works 60 hours a week to keep food on the table, pay the bills, and has always loved to play music. He has been playing basketball. He has joined a team.
TIME PASSES: They are at a crossroads…communication deteriorates, resentment steps in. The woman begins to give ultimatums “You are NOT home enough w/ me and kids. I HATE that you play this stupid basketball. You care more about hangin’ w/ you buddies than you do w/ me.” GET THE POINT.
The man is doing the best that he can. He has to provide for his family by working. He can’t cut those hours. The ONLY passion he has in life is basketball, it gives it joy, happiness, fills him up w/ energy, releases stress, etc. NOW his wife is trying to taking that away from him.But what she fails to see is when he does go play, he comes home, reinvigorate, more loving and caring toward her.
So they come to a compromise. HE CAN ONLY PLAY BB 2 times a month. He becomes bitter, more miserable, everything begins to breakdown even more than ever. He is NOT fulfilling her needs, she’s not his needs. She loves playing sports but hasn’t picked up a tennis racket in years, despite her husband telling her, now and then, she’s good, she should play.
~~NOW THIS IS WHERE THE HARD WORK AND VITAL INTERVENTION TAKES PLACE OR THERE IS A HIGH PROBABILITY FOR ONE TO CHEAT!
ALL the woman wants his attention from her husband. SHE IS SCREAMING FOR IT! HE isn’t seeing it or hearing her. He is too absorbed in what he needs, it’s being lost in their own needs. HE reflects, decides to walk beside her, empower her to be the best she can be..THEY GO PLAY TENNIS TOGETHER!!! Sometimes BB, now they incorporate their passion for sports into their relationship, and BOTH their needs are being met, AND as this is happening they begin to grow closer, empowering each other, loving each other, respecting, communicating. They were on the verge of NO RETURN: CHEATING, Break-up, destruction.
You see..cheating is NOT only about self-control, being a ‘dog’, being insecure, etc…as these can be reasons for why people cheat for sure! I TRULY BELIEVE, sometimes, when people cheat it is combination of many complex factors, with BOTH PARTNERS at play. BUT when BOTH PEOPLE CHOOSE to step outside themselves, look deeply into WHAT the OTHER PERSON NEEDS FIRST BEFORE THEIR OWN NEEDS..MIRACLES HAPPEN!! .
So how can you help out a friend who just found out that her man for over 5yrs cheat on her for about year?
The reason I was given well they your good Christian woman
Learning how to tweet The reason I was given I'm a good Christian girl and they looking for other things that I might not be willing to do I think it's all just excuses
Most are boys and don't think with there head and have no control oven themselves not that they are not capable but mostly due to selfishness many believe they deserve more. until one day a small percentage of them grow up to become men…Brandi, sorry about your heartbreaking divorces. Be careful not to let another looser approach you and make you believe your extraordinary and says he sees a wife in you and because of very important issue involving you conscience you explain to him you need to be absent for a little wile to take care of that important matter, he turns around and goes back to that singles people place where he meet you and search for another one. Then you feel nausea and remember hart crush you've experienced before. But there is the other kind of men that will help you in your issues and will be patient cause he understands. I am looking for that kind of men.
Why is it so often that women are referred to as "my girl" but guys are most often referred to as, "my man" by each of their significant others? Is it a respect issue or lack thereof? And, why are these selfish, greedy, and immature cheating delinquents referred to as "men" even by yourself?
funny enough i got this mail a couple of years back and it’s relevance has just got to me in my recent times of being, Just Shared it with my Half< lol I hope i do not get killed tonight
IF you want your ex back, want to fix broken marriage, stop infidelity, insecurity issues, stop cheating, stop divorce, He is the best, he restored my broken relationship,_________________________________ R.buckler11@gmail com…♥(ˆ⌣ˆԅ)
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